I know this isn't going to seem funny to everyone, but it kind of is, in a sad kind of way. This lady called me on Saturday and was like, did you ever find the cat on the flyers? Then she proceeded to tell me about a cat that had been living in her woodpile. She was like, she's a pretty good size cat (most of the people who have called have been talking about cats that are smaller in stature and under 8 pounds), she's been out there a while. She tells me she's pretty sure it's my cat and then says, "It's dead and I put it in the garbage." She said there's a parking lot for the apartments next door that backs up to her yard and it looks like a kid hit it and then threw it in her yard. She said she put it in some garbage bags and threw it away because she couldn't bury it, as she broke some of her fingers. Then she asks her husband how long it had been living in their woodpile and he says three months. She was like, well he says three, but I think it's only been two and the flyer says missing since September 4th, so that's two months. Yeah, two months. Her husband is talking steadily in the background but I can't make it out and she starts arguing with him, but maintains that it has been two months since September 4th and that she thinks it was my cat and she just wanted to let me know if I never find it, that that's what happened. I thanked her and got off the phone.

I started telling Shannon and when I mentioned living in a woodpile, Shannon emphatically stated that Fuzzy Tail would not deign to live in a woodpile. I think she's right. She's probably in someone's house, being cool. At any rate, I don't think the cat that lady had living in her woodpile for two or three months was my cat. It's still sad that it died, but it was most likely not mine. I kind of felt like she should have lead off with the dead part, so as not to get my hopes up. But what do I know? I've only told two people that a cat was dead and Marie was not lost before that. Anyway, Grace has been gone almost a month, so, short of her new owners losing her, I don't think I'll ever find her. I keep dreaming that she shows up on the porch, talking loudly and being adorable. But unless she slips out the door at her new house unexpectedly, that's not likely to happen. The first couple of times I had that dream, it made me really sad when I woke up. I've stopped reading on the porch, hoping she'll wander by, instead of reading inside. I've stopped walking around the neighborhood, peering closely at all bushes and under porches. The lack of walks also means that Kazoo has gained back all the weight he lost when the search was fresh. Oops.

The price we pay...

You know what's bad about generally being right? That when you are wrong, people seem to get more upset about it than if you were just wrong all the time. Same goes for being mostly nice and occasionally somewhat vituperative or generally being good and doing something naughty every once in a while. I'm not trying to say I'm nice, or always right or good; I try not to lie. :) I'm just saying, it seems to be unfair. I know, I know, life's not fair and no one ever said it was. But still. You can't make a small mistake without people getting all in a tizzy about it. I think we all know that humor in the Benz family tends to be rather mordant, but that doesn't mean we are actually intentionally cruel (most of the time). I'm not entirely sure what one thing has to do with the other now...

Oh Kentucky, part vingt-et-un

I walked into my kitchen earlier and nearly burst into tears. There's a corner cabinet that Grace would always open (because the door doesn't hang quite straight, it never is completely closed) and go sit in(there were no real dishes in there-only stuff we never use). It was open and the Stygian recesses of my mind decided to throw that little gem at me. I'm adjusting to her not being there and that makes me sad too. People keep offering me kittens, to which piece of news Rachel was like, if you lost a child would they offer you a new one? Which is doubtful. At any rate, it is definitely too soon for kittens, if ever I will get one.

Anyway, this is very disturbing. Rachel and I had a rather long and alarmingly detailed conversation about it this morning. Loss of enjoyment of life, indeed. Also, Kentucky again! If we keep this up, I may have to make an 'oh, Kentucky' tag.

Scientists explain why people vote right...except not

I know that pretty much everyone who reads this is fairly conservative, with a few notable exceptions, because they are family. And boy is my family conservative. Anyway, regardless of your political leanings, you should find this funny. I am still giggling. And I showed both my uber-conservative dad and my uber-liberal roommate and they both found it funny. Just do me a favor and read the first two paragraphs. Everything after "...as Newsweek puts it.." cracks me up. I haven't read Newsweek in years, but "illegal immigrants may = spiders"...?? Wow. I read Newsweek when I was a kid, until we stopped getting it when I was like 15. I can't tell you how much I learned from Newsweek and Reader's Digest when I was small. Anyway, we need more science!

I don't know how many people I kept trying to make watch Heroes, but it came back this week and I haven't even watched it yet. I'm not all that excited about it. I'm excited that Kristen Bell is getting work beyond her Gossip Girl narrating and that Francis Capra (Weevil, Rach.)is getting work too. I miss Veronica Mars. Apparently I did not convince enough people that that show was totally awesome in time. That show had the single coolest first season ever. You do not understand unless you watched it. Anyway, Heroes is back (and also had a pretty cool first season) and is not receiving accolades. In fact, everything I've read thus far has been far less than complimentary. I think I will watch the season premiere and if it does suck like last season, I will take it off my series recordings list. There is so much crap sitting on my DVR and I just keep not watching any of it because I'm still reading a book a day. That cuts into my non-essential TV watching time. So far this week I've only watched Gossip Girl and How I Met Your Mother. I guess tonight will be House and America's Next Top Model. The only show I watched this weekend was The Secret Life of the American Teenager. I had a huge chunk of the marathon left to watch, so I got some of that done. It's kind of funny, and kind of sweet, and the kid who is not Molly Ringwald's daughter's babydaddy, but is her boyfriend, is so Randall Batinkoff-lite(Molly Ringwald's babydaddy from For Keeps). Some of the acting is truly terrible, as is some of the writing, but you kind of have to love a show that has a fifteen year old kid indignantly telling the guidance counselor, "They're talking about my woman!" Heh.

Fun with learning

Yesterday Shannon had a project for her old people class. She had to walk around with cotton balls in her ears to simulate hearing loss and petroleum jelly over her glasses to simulate cataracts. I wanted to just go all out and tie a scarf over her eyes, but no. It was funny because I was trying to revise her English paper at the time and I kept going, "That sentence doesn't look right, don't you think...?" And Shannon would be like, "I don't know. There's a cloud over half the words!" Oops. I eventually remembered to just read it to her instead of telling her to look at things. But some of it I really felt needed looking at, because it was all convoluted. We muddled through it and she managed to finish both the assignments.

Oh, also, I felt really not old because I got carded buying cigarettes on Friday. I know, I'm such an enabler, but I felt bad because she was all sickly. And then I felt just a little bit good about getting carded. But today I bought some snuff for a guy at work who is also sickly right now and requested it, and I did not get carded. I am apparently a sucker for sick people.

Kazoo is evil

I bought Kazoo some shiny bat wings at Target the other day and I have to say they were totally worth $10 in entertainment. They reminded me of these capes Dave and I had when we were little and were devils one Halloween. We already discovered the most fun part is to throw a toy to the otehr end of the house so that he runs and then they kind of flap. It was awesome. My parents came over to bring me a bookcase and we put the wings on because when I told my dad about it, he didn't think it was funny. When he saw it in person, he said we were sad. I did not manage to take a good photo with my phone, but you get the idea.

Speaking of things that are evil...every
time that I try to open Google Reader on the computer at home, it locks up Internet Explorer and I have to close it all. I can't help but think this is Vista related problem because I never had that problem before. And it doesn't happen to me at work. It will let me do Gmail and Blogger and whatnot, just no Reader. Any thoughts, Dave?

I wrote this post last Monday, but failed to finish it. It still holds true.

Church was good last Sunday. I cried, as per usual lately. At the beginning of the sermon, Jason was talking about hope. He said that, by virtue of the fact that we were present, we had hope. Because people who don't have hope don't get out of bed because they can't face the world. And there I was thinking that I didn't have any hope left. Apparently I had enough to get up and shower and go to church. Yeah, I teared up when he said that, in addition to during the singing and then again at the invitational. I haven't been at my church without being on camera or graphics in at least a couple months. I don't even know what to do with myself anymore. I sat down front near where people I know sit, but I rarely see them and I am so socially awkward that I just sat on the end of a row behind them. Way to join in. It would seem that I like to hide behind tech crew stuff. Which I totally wrote a rant about a couple weeks ago, but I don't think I ever actually posted it. The rant was about the tech crew, not about me hiding behind it. I don't even know why I went to church because I knew I would be alone. I don't know why I wouldn't go with my parents to Louisville Saturday, because I knew I would be home alone until Shannon got back Sunday evening. When you're sad about being alone and, well, a plethora of other reasons, scant few of which I have attempted to articulate here, apparently my cure is to stay home alone for a day and a half. Good thinking, slick. Although I did clean the house something fierce. That was good. And I had lunch with Jennie and Chad after church. It was nice and distracting. I just wish I knew what I should be doing. And I think church keeps making me cry lately because God is trying to tell me something that I don't want to hear. And we all know I deal with things that are unpleasant or scary by ignoring them. I am so mature. Although, I cried like, all the way through the invitational and the closing prayer and final song and when I went to the bathroom to wipe my face, I had no mascara running down my face. It stayed put-so at least I have some awesome mascara.
New this week: So...in the interest of facing some things, I had a discussion with Shannon last night and I feel a little better. No crying at church this Sunday. Although I still don't want to hear what God has been trying tell me, I admitted it to someone and I think I might do something. If I can work up some courage. I am just so afraid of failing that I have always just not even tried. And that's really worked out well for me...

Oh dear

I was driving home for lunch today and saw a sign at the SuperAmerica that nearly gave me a panic attack. It said their gas was $9.85. Fortunately the light was red and after I sat there for a second, it flicked to $3.85 and then back to nine, but the gas stations behind it all said $3.85, so I assume they were having a slight issue. But it scared the crap out of me for a second. So when I got home I told Shannon and she was like, so at what point does gas get so expensive that, even though we need it, we stop buying it because it is prohibitively expensive to purchase? I'm not sure where my line is, but I think that $9.85 is definitely past the point where I would be like, this car is a nice driveway decoration, but where's my bicycle?

no good

Shannon called me earlier and asked me to come pick her up from work and take her to Urgent Care (her car is jacked up). She has a kidney stone (she had on before, but said this feels so much worse), but because of her lack of insurance, we wound up not going to Urgent Care. The eye doctor she works for called her husband, a regular doctor, and he sent a nurse down to tell her to drink a lot of water and take over the counter meds. She had already taken 800mgs of ibuprofen and it did not help. I was kind of mystified that the nurse could stand there and tell her that and Shannon's face was white and drawn and the nurse was like, well, obviously it's not too bad because you're sitting here talking to me. Shannon's doctor was like, look at her face. It was bad. So they didn't give her anything and I took her home and gave her some water and put a bunch in the fridge and did something mildly illegal. So she's supposed to call me if she starts throwing up or anything and then, fiscal consequences be damned, we will be going to Urgent Care. So, poor Shannon. Let's pray that she passes it soon and doesn't get a kidney infection to go with it.

Question:

Rachel was trying to tell me that Dave, Zoe and my eyes are hazel. I call foul on that because I think of hazel as having some brown. I don't think we have brown. My license says grey, but I generally think of my(and Dave's and Zoe's and my dad's) eyes as blue-green, sometimes leaning more towards green, sometimes toward blue, depending on what color my(their) shirt is. So, do you think of hazel as blue-green, or brown? Am I just way off?

Important Days

I told Dave this the other day, and some of you watch the news so you may already know, but KY is now going to have a "Nappy Roots Day." I heard it on the news like, last week and nearly choked. Possibly because I don't recall hearing anything about them since 2000, when they played(?)(sang?) at the Sweetheart dance at BGHS. It was really funny. But in the ensuing eight years, nada. And now they have their own day. Sure, why not? The only celebration day coming up that I am excited about is Friday; International Talk Like a Pirate Day!

Oops.

Saturday evening I took Kazoo for a walk because that is my cats' favorite time of day. I have the only cats in the world that won't go outside when it's sunny. My dad was like, hey, just like you! Thanks Dad. Anyway, so I've been wandering around the neighborhood in the evenings, just in case I happen by the perfect spot. I didn't take my phone because I was wearing gym pants with no pockets. When I got back to the house I had a missed call on my cell phone from the 502 area code. I assumed it was some member of my family, as my parents were up in Louisville with my grandparents that day. It turned out to be a girl who lived a street over who saw a cat matching that description. She said she would go outside and see if she could find it again and told me to meet her over there. I hopped in Shannon's car because it was parked behind mine and the girl said the cat was like four blocks away, so the car seemed more expedient. It turned out not to be my cat, but the girl said she would keep an eye out. Then I figured out that she was my cousin's roommate. She lives a block and a half away(I knew she lived on that street, I just didn't know which part of it.). So that was random. And then I broke Shannon's car. I was trying to do a turnabout so I could turn the car back towards my house when it suddenly decided not to go. It wouldn't go forward or backwards and was making this awful grinding noise and it was mid-turnabout, so I was in the middle of the road. I got out and walked around the car and couldn't see anything that seemed to be a cause of that, but for several minutes I sat in the middle of the road because it really would not go anywhere. I put it in neutral and let it roll until the wheels were straight and then put in drive and it went, although it was still making a weird grinding noise. It scared the crap out of me! I called Shannon and told her and she said it wasn't my fault, but I feel really bad. And it wasn't even my cat!

"They weren't yours to take."

There's this website I read regularly, written by a woman who lives in New York, and she wrote a beautiful piece about what happened to her on September 11, 2001. She always writes something about it on 9/11 because she is still looking for the man who helped her that day. The original piece is simply fantastic, as are all the follow-ups, but the one from yesterday is different, but still good. I didn't go there and read it yesterday because I was having a hard enough time not crying as it was(what with the missing cat and my complete insanity). So, Rachel, unless you want to cry on your birthday, don't read this today. But you should read it sometime. I know sometimes I recommend weird stuff that no one else likes, but read this one.

Reading rates are down, but libraries are womblike, comfortable memory rooms

So, I was reading Gawker this morning and this article about libraries being the new cool thing to have in your house (but not for reading!) made me feel sad, even though it's also a little funny. I mean, buying cases of books in German just because they look good and are cheap? So wrong, unless you happen to read German, which she admits her clients did not. Aside: one time when I was a kid, I was trying to find The Neverending Story at the library and the card catalog (I am so old) led me to The Neverending Story in the original German. I eventually managed to find it in English and checked that one out. Anyway, one of the comments on this story cracked me up. Like ten comments down someone said, "Sometimes, to comfort myself in a sensual way, I lie down on a big pile of books and ask my lover to rip pages from his favorite book and cover me with them. It is a wonderful sensation to be blanketed in great literature that means so much to my lover, and I do enjoy the outstanding bookishness of our foreplay." I think I want to be friends with that girl. She seems awesomely witty. Seriously, I am still giggling.

Also, there is one bookcase in my house. There are stacks of books on the dining table, under my nightstand, on the desk in the dining room, next to a comfy chair, and of course, in various boxes in my closet. Also, I feel like Mark will be the only person to get this, but lately Shannon and I keep saying, "And this is where we keep the (fill in random object found in weird place)." You know, like how our bathmat is on the front porch because the dog peed on it and we were letting it dry out before we washed it, but then we forgot to move it. And how I found the dog's leash in a bin of stuff for Goodwill. Seriously, now we're just leaving the bathmat on the porch so when her mom and step-dad come to get her on Saturday she can point to it and be like, "And this is where we keep the bathmat."

Oh, Kentucky...

I don't know if you heard about the Bed, Bath and Beyond employees in Lexington who would not allow some people to use their phone to call the police about a toddler they saw locked in a hot car in the parking lot. But now it turns out that the manager of the store is being charged with a misdemeanor. And back in August, a woman in Lancaster, KY was sent to jail by a judge for coming to her court dates more than once (after being warned!) wearing short shorts. Apparently the judge did not want to see her business. I like the part at the end of the article where they're like, if she is still an inmate at the time of her next court date, she will wear a bright yellow uniform. Why can't Kentucky ever be in the news for doing something awesome?

“She’s in for a surprise when unlikely suitor high-concept high jinks unnecessary obstacle true love happy ending!”

I was reminded of this by something Rachel said. I think it's an entertaining look at birth control and the way it is marketed.

And if you like that one, then there is this good one about chick flicks. There are a bunch more Target: Women segments at Current.com.

Still no cat. Although this morning a guy who lives a couple streets away called because he saw a cat at about midnight last night that looked like the one on the flyers. He said he was going to talk to the people who live around him and see if they had seen it or if it belonged to anyone, and also put out a bowl of food on his porch. I thought that was very kind of him and it makes me feel a little better that people are noticing the flyers. I am trying to remain hopeful. Last night Shannon and I were watching America's Next Top Model and the other cat jumped up on the back of my chair, which is something only her sister usually does, and for a second I forgot and then I started crying. And Shannon heard me make a strangled noise and she thought I injured myself and came running over to shove the dog out of my lap and see if I was ok. So then I was a little hysterical for a second, with the laughing while I was crying. If anyone could manage to injure themselves while sitting still in a chair, it would be me.

Cry me a river

I think we all know that I'm a crier. I used to cry at the drop of a hat. Then I got medicated, and not so much. Then I unmedicated myself and I was what I think was normal about crying for a while. Now I'm a crier again, even though I am medicated. I don't think my crying has anything to do with depression, because I'm not depressed (I'm only on a tricyclic antidepressant because they help make migraine attacks less frequent and less severe). I think it's about how much I allow myself to care or feel. I watch the people at church go down to the altar and pray every Sunday and I cry, sometimes all the way through the invitation(my dad, or whoever is on sound that day, which is usually my dad, generally doesn't mention it, although he gives me concerned looks once church is over). Because, despite the large size of my church, I almost always know someone who is at the altar. And I know why they are there and it makes me cry. I pray with them from my post behind the camera in the balcony, and I cry. Lately I keep thinking that our pastor is watching me cry. He usually stands right in the middle and he keeps looking up, and I think he is looking at me. I don't think he even knows who I am, so I'm just being weird and paranoid. I don't know why it matters if people see me cry. When I was a sophomore in high school, I don't think there was a single person in any of my classes who didn't see me cry. My family was falling apart, and I felt like the only person who realized that in the big picture, because my parents were focused on the individual things my brothers were doing. And my brothers were both focused on what they were doing, so I didn't think they even realized that the other one was in trouble too. It was bad and I cried a lot. Throughout the day, because I was trying to hold it together at home because I knew my parents thought they already had enough problems. I would cry when I saw Dave in band, or when I didn't see Dave in band because he was skipping school again. Anyway, suffice to say, I have cried in public before(like the only time I ever went down to the altar, to pray for/about Dave that year-I love you Dave and I'm so glad that things worked out eventually.). I cry when other people cry, I cry when I watch the news and terrible things are happening. I try not to watch too much of the news when big things are happening because then I cry too much. I cry when great things happen to other people, because I am happy for them(even fictional people-I cried all the way through the last Harry Potter book every time someone was nice to Harry). I keep trying not to cry right now, because it won't do any good. I had a moment Saturday night and another one last night, but mostly I'm ok. I keep trying to believe Shannon when she says that we're going to find Grace. I know, she's just a cat, but how would you feel if your pet were missing? I'm getting discouraged and overwhelmed and I don't know what else I should be doing. And Rachel, I think Dave left me three comments because he doesn't want to call me because I might start crying. I don't think I will ever forget how horrified he sounded on the phone that day when my tire exploded and he realized I was crying. And I know how he feels, because when other people cry, I'm never sure what to do and I'm all awkward and can't say the right things. I read this article this morning and now I'm all weepy. Sometimes I get overwhelmed by all my fears and I cry seemingly out of nowhere like the author. Also, like the author's mom, I call small children and animals 'baby doll' fairly regularly. I have no idea where I picked it up, but I've been doing it for many years. Anyway, I'm glad work is so quiet today, because I keep tearing up, but no one is walking past my office, so it doesn't matter.

Still no cat. Shannon and I did flyers yesterday and there should be an ad in the paper today. Like anyone even gets or reads the paper. I am sad...

Distractions. This commercial for a local bedding company is completely heinous, not to mention approximately ten years behind.


Seriously, I cringe every time I see it. Which is a lot lately since there is not much on TV, so I have to watch live TV instead of DVR'd stuff. Although stuff is coming back. I cannot even tell you how excited Shannon and I were when Gossip Girl came back after the strike and the ads for it were like, OMFG and whatnot. It was pretty much like that, but without the F part. And this morning I read that Leighton Meester and Blake Lively are going to show up on an episode of 30 Rock as classmates of Tina Fey's in the '80s and I was all, OMG, I can't wait until 30 Rock is back. Although last week when I saw those photos of Fey and Krakowski on set I got all excited. But it's not coming back until like October. It is such an awesome show.

Fuzzy Tail is still missing. Shannon had to go help her grandma in Indiana, but her sister Amanda came and helped me search. I knocked on doors (which, I must be concerned, since I'm afraid of people) and no one had seen her, but many promised to keep an eye out. I'm trying not to freak out. I called the paper because they put lost pet ads in for free, so that will run Monday. I left work early Friday to go to the Humane Society and look at a tabby that had been brought in and they called me a little while later to see if it was her and then they told me I should use the copier to make flyers if I need to. So tomorrow I may do that and Shannon said she'd be back in the afternoon and would help me put them around our block. I was going to go to the ABF open house thing at church, but now I'm not sure because I might wander around the neighborhood more, peeking in bushes and peering under porches. A lady who lives a couple houses down told me a few minutes ago that she saw a dark tabby in the alley a block away. So, genius that I am, I took Kazoo for a walk down a tiny, dark alley (seriously, this alley is creepy even in the daytime, so I almost never take him on walks that way) to check for her. No such luck, although Kazoo managed not to start barking at the angry dogs chained up back there. Small favors. I just gave him a Benadryl, since I'm sure he chewed on a lot of things he's allergic to today on our numerous searching forays. Also, do you think it's ok to wear chocolate brown and black together?

Fuzzy Tail, a.k.a. Grace, is missing. She darted outside unexpectedly Thursday night and we couldn't find her by bedtime, so I figured she would be in her spot behind the garbage can by morning. She was not. It rained that night and all day Friday and Shannon and I both wandered all around the neighborhood at various times throughout the day. She was not wearing her collar when she got out, as I generally only put it on her when she is going out (I can tell that she doesn't like how it jingles). So I called the Humane Society and left a lot report with them in case someone brings her in. And I guess shortly I will go start knocking on the doors of my neighbors to ask if they've seen her. None of the ones we ran into yesterday had seen her. Poor Skinny Tail is super confused. She's being extra cuddly, including even sleeping with me all night. She usually just starts out on the bed so I'll pet her and then she leaves when I stop. But she was super attentive last night-every time I would switch sides she would hop over me to be on the new side too. Kazoo is being weirder than usual and I'm getting really worried. I did go get Layla a tag for her collar in case she ever get lost.

I was glad it was Friday until now

So, Shannon told me my e-mail was pretentious and that I am not allowed to call anyone pretentious for at least a week. My bad, person I e-mailed! I am totally apologetic. I am seeing spots right now and that really worries me for later. My head doesn't hurt too badly yet, but anytime I see spots, I know I am in for a textbook migraine shortly. Yesterday, I was worrying over something and I actually felt me bringing a migraine on myself in the span of about a half hour. Good job, self. But at least yesterday I knew why I had one. Argh!

Shortcomings

So, those of you who have been to my office may recall that there was a pretty good size sign on the side of the building, above the doors to the downstairs offices. There is no longer a sign. It fell this afternoon, landing on one of our VP's car and breaking into pieces. It was a very startling occurrence, particularly for the guy who just went in the door below it not 60 seconds before it happened.

Also, yesterday I sent an e-mail containing the phrase "never approached apologetic attitudinally." Was that a completely nonsensical thing for me to say, or does it make sense? It made sense to me, but now I'm quadruple-guessing myself and wondering if someone is going to be looking at me like I'm insane for phrasing my sentences strangely. Not that that doesn't happen to me from time to time anyway...

Musings in the key of G(randma!)

I think it goes without saying that my grandmas are awesome. I look like the one (trust me-my grandfather gave me a picture of my grandma at 14 when I was 15, and I finally knew that I looked something like someone in my family!), and think like the other(although my grandma told me when I was born my mom was like, she has your knees!-but not in a good way). Five summers ago, tragedy struck and my grandma needed some help, so I was fortunate enough to be able to stay with her. We talked a lot and I learned many things about her and my mom's whole family (and also some of her baking secrets). And I realized she understood me, which was cool because I am kind of all over the place sometimes. So I like to think that we're pretty close. She lends me books and we talk about all manner of things. Anyway, today I was working on Christmas presents, because I want to be like Rachel when I grow up and I was looking at my gift ideas for her on Amazon and realized that several of the books I put on her list, or those recommended by Amazon because of other things I have bought her or put on her list, are also on either my Amazon wish list or my shopping list. It's cool to learn stuff. Ask my grandma! Also, someone should purchase a grammar book for me posthaste, as that sentence earlier was incredibly convoluted. I've been reading a ton this summer, just not any literature. I've read no fewer than 45 books since July, but none of them are worth mentioning. I think I'm going to continue the reading, but up the ante on quality. I've bought several reasonably decent books at the second-hand bookstore here because I took a ton of crap in there and got $30 of credit. Yay, books! So now I just need to get around to reading them. I've decided that to further my efforts to better myself, I will read instead of watching boatloads of crappy TV, even though it's now time for new seasons and new shows. So I'm only going to watch shows that I really enjoy this season, instead of continuing to watch shows that I find only mildly interesting. I will watch the pilot episode of new shows that sound interesting and if I'm not hooked, I'm not going to watch the whole first season to give it a chance. I always do that because I keep thinking things have to improve. But anyway, that's my vow to myself, which is silly because now that Shannon has class four nights a week, I could watch crappy TV every day and no one would know.

Ummm, so today Amazon is recommending that I purchase ABBA's Gold album and some tape for a label maker. Random! I suppose it's possible that I was pricing label makers and tape on Amazon as compared to Staples. But still. I can honestly say I've never searched for anything ABBA related on Amazon. I'm inspired to start putting really dense tomes on history or language in my Wish List.

Oh, a note on the facials. They were lovely and relaxing and a decent way to spend a morning on a holiday. But neither Shannon nor I was aware that they had you remove your clothing for a facial. I mean, it might've just been the place we went to, but it was surprising.

True Confessions, Numero Tres

If I had a special gift, it would be my superb hearing. Really. Ask Mark. I used to freak him out with it (combined with my extra light sleeping skills). The other day, my phone volume was on one out of seven and I heard it ring in time to get to it even though I was two rooms away. That was a little freaky even to me. Also the fact that it was on one to begin with, which I'm still not sure how that happened.

It would seem that I cannot seem to stop injuring my feet. Shannon and I went to the mall looking for pants on Friday and wound up at Gap. I was trying on pants when I put a pair on and stepped backwards right onto what I assume was some sort of clothing pin. It was embedded in the arch of my foot. Awesome. It was no shorter than an inch and a half. I can't decide if I should get a tetanus booster or not. I have been exceedingly accident-prone lately.

Good weekend so far

I feel as though I complain rather a lot that I never get to do nothing(not anything, I do lots of things. I want to do nothing.) on weekends. I'm coming close this weekend, or rather, close enough. I did have to get up early yesterday since I had to be in Scottsville at 9, since I seem to be volunteering my services. I am such a sucker. And all I had today was church. And the only thing on the agenda for tomorrow is that Shannon and I are getting facials. I've never had one, but I hope it's cool. Friday we went to the beauty supply store and then we came home and I applied individual false lashes to her eyes. It took a half hour, but that's just cause I'd never done it before and I was trying to make sure it was perfect. It was an interesting experience, and they look good, although I had to trim them after I put them on so they didn't look crazy long and fake. We both agreed after we finished that she should not attempt to glue things to my eyes and then use scissors near them. But today she showed me how to use eyeshadow and a wet angle brush to approximate eyeliner. I think we all know I'm not good at eyeliner, so I don't use it. I could maybe do this, though. And we discovered I am capable of applying individual fake lashes on other people. All in all, a success. I also decided I need a hobby, preferably one that could lead to some supplemental income at some point. So if you know of something I should or could do, please, do share.

Also, a note on church: lately I've been thinking I need to go to ABF, so I need to find a suitable class. I went to the Young Careers one the Sunday before last, but I couldn't go last week because I only got back in town in time to go to the last service and do camera. I wasn't super impressed the first time, but I thought I should give it a real chance and go more than once. It's kind of funny, because next week, our church is having an ABF open house, so you can like, find one that hopefully fits. And this week, I got a postcard in the mail about a women's one that starts in September and meets at that same hour. So I may look into that one. As Shannon put it, "You were looking for a Sunday School class and the next week, you get a card inviting you to one for women. It's a God thing." I think she's likely correct.

Wow

I went to the cheap bookstore here in town today at lunch. I don't remember what it is called, but they have random stuff and it's all at least half price. In the case of these gems I found sitting on a table marked "All Items 99 Cents!," some awesomely random stuff. Like a book of photos of James Van Der Beek (marked bio, but I don't think I believe that) and a similar one of photos of Jennifer Love Hewitt. Behind Van Der Beek's book there was an even larger stack of books of Lee Ann Rimes, but that didn't make it into the photo. Sorry. But seriously, who would buy these, even for ninety-nine cents? Cheesy biographies of cheesy 'teen' 'stars' of the nineties and early '00s. And apparently, in order to get a biography you had to have at least three names in your working name. Also, look at the branding: High Interest Books? Really? That's why ten years later they're still around and only ninety-nine cents?

I took a picture of this in the Current Fiction section because it just struck me as funny. A Garrison Keillor book next to...whatever kind of book this is. Beneath those authors' names it says, "Three all-new stories of sinfully sexy men--and the women who change their wicked ways." The line below the title reads, "Behind every devil is an angel." Now I'm kind of wishing I had bought it. It sounds like a real winner. When I get incredibly bored, or really hyper or happy, I like to read passages from terrible books out loud so I can mock them with my friends and loved ones. Really, it doesn't even have to be books. I did it once with a pamphlet about Mormons and once with an informational packet about birth control (it was very wrong and ridiculous). Also, you know that dude on the cover's friends are going to tease him until the end of time.

It's cool to be ubiquitous

I totally did not know that Kal Penn was acting as a whip at the DNC. I really like him and I was glad when he got added to the cast of House. It seems rather random that he's doing that.

And how was Michael Phelps everywhere in NYC this morning? I saw him on GMA before I left for work and then this picture says he was on CBS' The Early Show. I saw a thing on Gawker Stalker that he was also filming a guest appearance for Entourage in NYC today. He's omnipresent! I'm starting to get scared.

No, I'm getting out of this joint!

Shannon and I were watching part of the DNC last night and it suddenly struck me as ridiculous. Why do they have to give acceptance speeches? What's up with all the hoopla? As if it would get to this point and the person would go to the podium and be like, "Uh, thanks for your confidence, but do you think I'm crazy? There's no way I'm doing this!" Kind of like how when we vote on stuff at church, by the time we get to the vote, it's always at least 97% agreeing with whatever the pawstor wants to do. Except even though we go through the motions of voting at church, there's no surrounding hoopla. It seems to me that since America has, since it's inception, not so much stood on ceremony, why are we bothering to try to create traditional crap now? At least the DNC isn't costing us government money, but still. There was a point to this, but now I've lost it again. I knew there was a reason I don't try to wax philosophical about important matters. And Joe Biden's forehead scares me. I think he Botoxed the crap out of it because it is unnaturally smooth and never moves. It must be strange to not be able to move your eyebrows. We also realized that one of the debates is supposed to be in Nashville, about which we were both excited. But then we discovered that it is on a Tuesday and that is the night Shannon has her accounting class that she has a quiz in each week. So unless she does really really well in that class between now and October 7th, we are not going. I mean, I could still go, but I don't think I know anyone else who would want to go and I don't think I would want to go alone.

Also, on Sunday when Dave and Rachel brought me back to work where I'd left my car on Friday, they came in to get drinks and whatnot. I offered Addie some grapes, as I've been keeping some fruits at work all the time now. Addie was like, well, no because I already pooped enough today. She's so funny. And she does eat a boatload of fruit. I just remembered that because I was going to throw the grapes with bad spots outside for the birds.

Fun with signage

Yesterday, on my way home from work, for the first time ever I waas glad to get stuck behind someone not turning right at that awful light on the Bypass that I have to go through 4 times a day. I was glad because I noticed the car in front of me said "Rags 2 Riches." Firstly, I was a little(li'l) surprised it didn't say "Ragz 2 Richez." The real thing was, it was a Pontiac, and not even a new one at that! I don't know if you can really see it in this photo, but I took it with my phone, so sorry. There was nothing I could do to make it better, short of hopping out of the car to get closer. I was not so much prepared to do that at 5:00 on a weekday at one of the worst intersections in town.
This reminded me, while I was in Philadelphia, the night I got there I walked down the street from my hotel to get a drink at the 7/11 and saw a sign that the girl behind the counter must have made advertising their new Slurpee flavor. I didn't take a picture because it was on the door, so she would have seen me and also, I didn't take my camera with me on that errand. But the sign referred to the flavor as "Rabiation" raspberry or whatever the flavor was. It was a tie-in with the Hulk movie, but it was supposed to be radiation rather than rabiation. I wonder, is one irrabiated if one gets rabies? I can only imagine that was what the maker was thinking. And no, I did not try the Slurpee. ;)

I forgot I was wearing flip-flops instead of real shoes...

So I may have dropped a five drawer filing cabinet on my foot earlier. In addition to the awesome bruise I'm certain will appear, I also have a large chunk missing from my big toe. It's gross. At least I found some band-aids.

I don't watch Dancing With the Stars, but after running across a list of the 'stars' who will be participating this season, I may have to start. I mean, Susan Lucci, Cloris Leachman, Lance Bass and Kim Kardashian?! If you've never seen Keeping Up With the Kardashians, count yourself fortunate. It is ridiculous and they are incredibly dumb and obnoxious. So, I've seen most of the episodes. Anyway, also that kid Cody Linley from Hannah Montana and all those Zaxby's commercials with Alyson Stoner. You know, the one where she says she's an actress and he says me too and the other one where they 'freestyle' 'rap', if you use both of those words in the very loosest possible forms? Yeah, those commercials are annoying. But, Cloris Leachman! Who doesn't think she is awesome? And Susan Lucci! She makes me want to start watching All My Children again. I haven't even seen it since I was like 19. Really, I think I would only watch Dancing With the Stars if there was a guarantee that Cloris Leachman would wipe the floor with all of the others. Or if it were like, Cloris Leachman dancing with Lance Bass and Susan Lucci dancing with Cody Linley and Kim Kardashian and Ted McGinley together. I know that's not how that show works, but that sounds like it would be so much more of a trainwreck.

Just thinking about this makes me want to wash my hands.

I was reading a book and they were talking about building a trebuchet, and I didn't know what that meant, so I wiki'd it. Apparently it's like an accurate medieval catapult. That's all well and good, but the part where it says they would put diseased corpses in it and launch them inside city walls with the hopes of infecting their enemies is just wrong. Using corpses as infective projectiles is almost as bad as Soylent Green. Although I bet Heston would totally have been all about someone using his dead body to kill his enemies. Well, maybe not...

Give 7 minutes of your lives to these two videos

This explanation of action movies is pretty awesome. There were a couple clips I didn't recognize, but when they list the movies at the end, the only one I haven't seen is Dr. Strangelove, so I guess my observational powers are on the fritz. I can't even imagine how long it took to put this together. I don't have that kind of patience.



You know what must have taken far longer than that? This homage to the most overused phrase in reality television. I read this guy's website because his America's Next Top Model recaps are really funny. With this video, he continues to be awesome. If you don't watch America's Next Top Model, you totally should. It is completely, ridiculously sublime. At this point in it's run, it's pretty much a parody of itself, just as Tyra has become a caricature of herself. So, yeah, read FourFour if you watch ANTM or just enjoy smart pop culture essays on a variety of topics.

Language Arts

I was having a nerd moment the other day because I was reading a book and they kept saying that some dude said such and such 'drily.' I know it's a word and I know what it means, but my problem is that although it is an acceptable spelling, drily doesn't look right to me. If I were going to use it in that manner, I would probably go with dryly. Is this just me?

This movie poster quiz is really hard. I only managed to get just under half of them. I am so embarrassed. Or not.

After the project I've been working on at work all day today, plus all day Friday, I think I don't ever want to see the word origin again. It doesn't even look like a word to me anymore. And I'm not even finished. I'm actually only about halfway there...(moan). Origin looks like a foreign word to me now. I feel like it should be a Slavic word, although I'm not certain why. Maybe because in my dazed state it seems similar to Onegin...

I know you know that I'm not telling the truth...

I really like the show Psych on USA. It's light and funny and I love Dule Hill's outfits. I think his character would covet Chuck from Gossip Girl's closet. You know what I don't love? Short-sleeve dress shirts on men. I'm really not sure why, but I just don't like them. Last night I made Shannon watch this minute of this week's episode because I think it clearly demonstrates why I like this show. Even though I never say things like that to people, I want to often. I hate it when people say they could care less. It's so glaringly wrong! Shannon just laughed at me. Anyway, watch this because it's funny. Also, this show has an awesome theme song.

Oh dear

I was being a nice person today and picking up lunch for a coworker on the way back from my lunch and I saw this sign. It made me giggle.

Oh noes! Not Harry Potter!

Dude, this sucks. I don't think they would necessarily make less money if they actually released Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince as planned in November rather than 7 months later. That's insane. Plus, they've already started marketing it and so people are all kinds of excited. If they don't plan to alter the release schedule for the two-part one of the seventh book, then what is really the point of this? Even though people will be mad and sign petitions and crap, it's not like anyone who is really excited about the movies would actually boycott them. They'll still go, so WB isn't losing anything other than some goodwill. As much as the decision to push back Harry Potter doesn't make sense to me, I understand even less the decision to push back that Bolt animated movie. I've alreayd seen several previews for it and there were ads for it in all the busses at Disney World. I've only seen one trailer for Harry Potter, although that was enough to get me excited. This is just weird. It seems pointless.

Some pictures of some stuff I saw throughout the past month...

Here are some adorable people. I have a really cute picture of them kissing right before this was taken, but I though Rachel might not like me to post it.
Me wearing Dave's hat.
Dave wearing Dave's hat. I know, I'm so gangsta and he's not, but it does fit his head better...
Me and Dave's hat at the Liberty Bell. That's Independence Hall in the background, as it is directly across the street.
Addie and Belle at the princess breakfast.

The shoes I wore to work Monday with my brand new way too long pants that fit my hips! Aren't they freaking awesome?

Hair don't?

I wish I could find my awesome purple sunglasses. I tend to use my sunglasses as headbands when I am indoors, and those were not too loose to stay on top of my head. They were perfect. Eh. I dyed Shannon's hair Sunday and it really made me want to dye my hair. I convinced her to go with a dark auburn, even though she was scared that she couldn't do red, but it looks great. She should always trust me-I would not steer my friends wrong. But it really makes me wish my hair were red even more than usual. I have wanted red hair for 18 years. And all my hair has been doing the past few years is getting darker. That's no good. I am scared of dying it though, because I'm afraid that it won't be this color later. I'm ok with my hair color, it sort of has some natural highlights, whatever, but it's pretty boring and it comes closer to looking orange in the sun than it does red. I really want red hair, but I also hear that red is the hardest to keep up with, dye-wise. So instead of dying my hair and regretting it later, I got a haircut at lunch today. Just a trim and then some shorter layers, but it seems a lot shorter to me. Well, my boss's daughter is entertaining me now, so I should go.

In which I do stupid things in life and in dreams

I had this weird dream the other day that I got a tattoo and then all of a sudden I had a bunch of tattoos. I kind of do want a tattoo, but just one, and a small one that's not of something stupid. So I won't tell you what I actually want, although I told a couple people and none of them thought it was dumb, and they were the friends who would be like, that's stupid, don't do it. Anyway, I probably won't do it because I am indecisive and I don't know where I would get it and I have a mild fear of needles. In my dream, the first tattoo I got was a fairy, which is definitely not something I would get if I were to put something on my person permanently. And it was on my ankle, which I hear is a fairly painful place to get them. And then all the other ones I had were on my torso, rather than in places they would have been visible. It was strange.

Anyway, I burned the crap out the front of my legs on Saturday. Like, from my hips to my ankles is very red. It doesn't really hurt that much, which is strange because it is angry red. It'll be fun once they start peeling. And we were supposed to dress kind of nicely this week because of the auditors, but because I did that to my legs, I didn't want to wear any of my really cute skirts. Sunday I was on graphics and I had to be there at 7, so I hopped up and put on the only pair of pants I had that were not jeans and then once I got to church I realized that they were way too big. So large, in fact, that I could pull them off easily without undoing the buttons. Yeah. I went to buy some pants after church. And the shirt I put on today was fitted before and now it's just kind of hanging there. Awesome! I better not get too excited though, or I will backslide. Also, I'm kind of excited that even though I've been losing weight, my boobs have not disappeared. I like having the option of cleavage.

My calendar at work is a UPS calendar, because the giant desk calendars everyone else favors just get in my way, and the UPS guy brings us a calendar every year anyway. I just turned it to August (I fully realize that it is August 12th and I am only now turning it because I was working on stuff that had to go into our system in July and it helped me keep my dates straighter to just keep looking at July until I finished it), and the caption under the picture says "UPS Freight service is poetry in motion." Next time you're feeling poetic, turn to UPS!

Less time, mo' problems

So, Friday at 4:20 I discovered that our air conditioner was leaking. We actually had that problem earlier this summer and it was something about ice building up and we had to turn it off and wait for it to melt before it could be fixed. We turned the air off and went home. So we already knew there would be no air here this morning, but apparently one of my bosses came in yesterday to discover that the entire basement (where our president and two vice presidents have their offices, as well as our record room) was flooded, with three inches of water standing everywhere. It seems that where they had been working on widening Lovers Lane, they had managed to do something to cause one of our pipes to burst. Score. So now we have no water today. They promised to have it back on by the end of the day. And our new auditors were coming for the first day today, so we made a great impression. At least the air guy was here by the time I got here at 7:45 and had the air back on by 8:30. So it's getting to be cool in here now, but we still have no running water. I wish I hadn't just drunk a giant bottle of water.

So I feel like I've been bouncing around crazily all week. I was stressed and busy, but weirdly hyper and happy. I don't know what that's about... I guess it's better than being unhappy though. I have a rather nasty migraine this afternoon, and I was pressing my thumbs into my browbones in the exact spot that helps when I noticed that my palm smelled like Champs Elysee. Which is weird, because I wore that perfume yesterday, but I totally showered this morning and I washed my hands at least 15 times yesterday. The lady selling the perfume said that you should spray it into your palm and then put your palm where you want it. I'd never heard that, so I tried it. It did make my palm smell rather strongly of perfume for part of the morning, despite repeated hand-washing. Eh.

Wasting time I don't have...

I get really antsy when I have a lot of things that I really need to be doing. Like, I can't just sit and concentrate on them and I wind up doing everything except them. It's no good. And the internet is made for procrastinators. The other day I was wandering around avoiding things and I actually wound up singing a medley of time-centric songs. I'll leave you to come up with your own, rather than tell you which ones I inadvertently went with. I'm just glad Shannon wasn't there to notice my insanity. I had gotten through choruses on like four different song before I realized I was doing it.

On an unrelated note[;)], I saw this new Weezer video. I am not huge on You Tube because I have other ways to waste my time, so I don't recognize all the "famous" You Tube people in that video. I do love a good "all your base are belong to us" joke, though. I need to work on my pop culture education, I guess. I need to be part of the zeitgeist. Also, You Tube usually inspires schadenfreude (I just used two words borrowed from German in successive-and successful, I think-sentences!). Why do I always have trouble embedding videos? It makes no sense, but I do, so that's why I've only embedded things like twice.

I saw this post on Go Fug Yourself today and I was like, oh, wow, eeww. For one thing I didn't even recognize him as Zack Morris, I thought it was this guy. But then I totally couldn't stop singing (inside my head) "fugging it up" on The Barry Gibb Talk Show to the tune of the awesome theme song from the SNL sketch with Jimmy Fallon and Justin Timberlake-I especially love the part where they sing about crazy cool medallions(and they did that sketch more than once-look for the other(s?), just not on Hulu). Seriously. It was weird even for me. So I did something even more unprecedented than yesterday's super early bedtime. I e-mailed Heather and Jessica (the founders and writers of the website, which I actually first stumbled upon a long time ago from links from their TWoP recaps) and told them that and that I hoped that was their theme song (especially since when I went to e-mail them, I realized the e-mail address was fuggingitup@gmail.com). She(they?) e-mailed back and said they sing that song all the time, with all kinds of things standing in for talking. It just made me happy. And surprised that I got an e-mail back. Also, I started to label this post and realized I have a label for nerdiness and one for dorktastic. Let me know if you have any thoughts on how I might I have been differentiating those when I created them. Or how you might differentiate them?

Help?

So, I'm not into gardening or anything, but I've been keeping five indoor plants alive at work for three years. Two of them are peace lilies (one lady I work even brought he own peace lily in a few weeks ago because she had killed all but like one tiny leaf on it-it now has about ten leaves which are getting taller every day!) and they are in front of the same window, but one of them is several feet (the length of a bench) further back. The one in the front has 12 (!) blooms on it right now and the one in the back, while still very green and shiny and healthy looking, has no blooms. In fact, hasn't had any blooms in a couple of weeks. These two plants generally bloom throughout the seasons, although not usually as copiously as the slightly smaller one is right now. So, basically I'm wondering if anyone has any thoughts on why the second one is not blooming. Or why the first one is blooming so prolifically(I totally typed proliferately, but then thought that sounded weird, so I checked to see if it is a word and it would seem "ly" is not a viable attachment for proliferate. Sad. So I thought about proliferous, but when I checked to see if the meaning would be the same, it is not quite. Unfortunately, it took me that long to think of the word I was trying to think of in the beginning-prolific. I am a crappy nerd.).

I am old

So I went to bed like super early last night. It was weird. And I slept for 10 hours. I thought I was maybe getting sick because my nose was feeling funny. And I don't like that. Although I do think I have either another polyp or a bone spur or need my adenoids cut back again because not much air is moving in the right side anymore. Nerds. And it's been crazy at work this week and I'm trying to get 12,000 things done and all sorts of other things. Shannon left yesterday to go house-sit for her parents and take care of their dog and pool. So she'll be gone for a week and a half, so I will get as much alone time as she had when I was gone, and possibly start going crazy from it. It's always nice at first, but then after a few days you're like, I'm bored, there's no one here but the animals and they are driving me insane. But I'll probably go hang out there with her some this weekend. And she doesn't work on Wednesdays right now, so when I got home last evening(late), she had cleaned the whole house! It was awesome and smelled good because she put stuff in the diffuser. So I thought that was nice and unnecessary, but she said she'd meant to have the house cleaned before I got back from vacation. Still, really nice and made my day. So that meant I could go to bed shortly after she left for the Grove(after I read for a while on the couch with the air off so I could listen to the really good storm outside). So, good end to a long day.

It would seem I inspired a game...

After being morose for a while yesterday afternoon, I had a visitor who cracked me up. One of my bosses has a four year old(almost five) daughter who comes upstairs and talks to all of the girls when she drops by. She came in yesterday and kept asking if she could help me with my work (sometimes we'll give her something to take to someone else in the office or let her shred things), and no, she couldn't. The phone rang and I picked it up and noticed she was watching me intently. Her mom came up and told me that she really likes to listen to me answer the phone. She said they have a game they play called the ETR phone game where she is me and answers the phone [in the (so I'm told by several people) singsong way I say our company's name] and the daughter asks for people and then she asks if she may tell them who's calling and the daughter makes up a silly name and then they start over again. I was like, hmm. It made me giggle a little.

I shouldn't be doing this. I have a ton of work to do and I can't stay late because I promised Shannon I would cook some chicken for her tonight, and after I got to work I realized that I am on graphics this Sunday, so I have to go to the rehearsal tonight at 6:30. Nuts. Maybe I'll come back later. That might help. Urgh.

Where ARE you guys?

So...Ham. Ham was what Addie kept calling Grandma's friend Pam. Pam rode with them to Disney World and shared a room with Zoe and me and hung out with us some, when her daughter had to be at work. Addie continued to call her Ham, claiming she couldn't say Pam. Rachel finally got her to do it, but then Pam happened to come back and Addie was jumping around the room singsonging Pam. It was pretty funny. Rachel seemed to think this needed explaining. It's probably not funny to anyone else. Also, I have been wandering around singing Aux Champs Elysee under my breath all day. I hope no one has noticed because I cannot get it out of my head.

I had called my pharmacy to get a refill on my stomach medicine before I left for DW because I was going to come up a day and a half short. They said that the company that makes the generic, which I have been purchasing at $7 a month for like 3 years now, stopped making the generic, so now I have to get a real drug with a brand name. Apparently my insurance wanted me to start paying $30 for the new/same drug. Urgh. I was irritated and the pharmacy called me back and let me know they were on the phone with the insurance company and that they (the pharmacy) would give me three pills to get me through until they worked it out with the insurance company. I ran out of time though and didn't get to run by there and get them before I left for Philadelphia, so I just didn't have any Saturday night or Sunday. Which was not ideal, but I dealt. So I called them today, now that they've had a week to hassle the insurance company and they said that I only have to pay $10 a month. So, score! Only three dollars more per month instead of $27.

Where's Ham?

So, taking a cue from Rachel, as I'm uncertain as to my ability to form coherent sentences right now anyway, some stuff that I enjoyed recently.

Addie, studying a replica of the "Spitting Gargoyle" from Notre Dame, asking me why he had a bow on his head. I informed her that it was actually horns and she wanted to know what they were for. Excellent question, little one.

Rachel laughing her way through Space Mountain. It always cracks me up.

Dave and I laughing our way through Expedition Everest, except for the part where they took our picture, which was apparently exactly when we, sitting in the very front, looked down and saw what appeared to be a straight drop. It wasn't. :)

The look of sheer delight on Addie's face as she was going down slides of any kind.

The look of delighted relief on Zoe's face as she got to the end of any slide.

All of us having funnel cake for the second time this summer!

Zoe explaining that she didn't think any of the Jonas Brothers were cute. When I pressed her as to why she knew so much about them, then, she was at a loss.

Coming home today and making some room in the freezer for the groceries Shannon's mom bought us and pulling out a quarter of a giant bottle of white wine, frozen, with a latex glove shoved in the opening (I use gloves when cleaning the cat litter box and sometimes cleaning the bathroom or doing the dishes. Depends on how OCD I am feeling that day.). It seriously cracked me up. Apparently it seemed like a good idea to drunk people to stopper a bottle with a glove since the dog ate the cork. I should have bought a Mickey wine stopper, Rach!

Addie doing the same thing with alligators in the car that she did with bears in the car in Gatlinburg.

Getting rained on several days in a row, with differing adult females of our party wearing white shirts (when it was my turn, I actually wore a white dress. Smart.) each time, so deciding for us who got the poncho. Until we finally wised up and bought more ponchos. ;)

Dave and his cool Indiana Jones-ish hat. It came with a four-page owner's manual. Bet you didn't know hats were so involved.

The fact that all of the five flights I was on in the past fortnight left at least five minutes early, and all of them arriving at the destination at least 15 minutes early. Awesome and unprecedented.

Getting to spend an entire week with some of my awesome family, including the Balls. Thanks for all the memories!

It was really fun and stiflingly hot and I wish I hadn't started out with blisters on my feet from my day in Philadelphia with inappropriate footwear. I am so glad to be home. And so not ready to go to work tomorrow. But so incredibly ready for bed right now.

Philly and a wee bit o' DW

Dave seemed very disappointed that I didn't call it Philly at any point before, during or after my trip, so that was for him. Philadelphia was totally fun. It was pretty hot there, but I wore a light floaty skirt, which was at times made bad by the nice breeze. I saw all manner of historical stuff, such as the Liberty Bell (twice, which I will explain in a minute), Independence Hall, The Carpenter's Hall, Ben Franklin's grave. I also went to the National Constitution Center and took pictures of the outside of The U.S. Mint and Betsy Ross' House. I wound up going to the Liberty Bell twice because I went and took a pictures of it and then I was talking to Rachel and she was all sad that I didn't take a pictures of me wearing Dave's hat(Mom gave me her birthday present for Dave so I could take it to him) in front of the Liberty Bell, like we had discussed. So I went back, because I live to please. I stood around for like 15 minutes waiting for the people to thin out, which they did because it was closing in like 10 minutes. So I got the picture. It is awesome. The lady who took it for me was like, do you want one without the hat too? I was like, I have no dignity left, but yes. And now I have pictures of Dave wearing the hat, too. I saw a first draft of the Declaration of Independence that Jefferson sent to Franklin for proofreading. A man after my own heart. I attempted to eavesdrop on some French people looking at that too. Only one of them spoke English and she was translating the sign and the Declaration for the rest of them. I took a picture of them outside, which I would totally post because I am ridiculous. Even the building I had to go to for the work thing was impressive. It was the Curtis Center and the lobby was giant and marble and had a huge fountain that somehow also had grass in parts of it. It was awesome and I wanted to take a picture, but I didn't want to look nerdy. I got to Disney World mere minutes before Dave and Rachel and the peeps, so that was good timing. We went to Spoodles for dinner and then Rachel and I bought a weird hat with candles on the top that light up, so people have to wear that hat on their birthday. Dave is up first. :)

Absolutely guaranteed to raise your energy level!

I almost forgot. I saw The Dark Knight last night. It was really good, although depressing. But it's not like I expected it to be cheery. There were some really cool moments where I was like, dude, that is badass. I actually did turn to Shannon and say that at one point, although probably not when regular people would have thought that. This movie is the first time the Joker has ever been remotely scary. And dude, is he ever. He has a moment with a pencil that is the coolest gross thing that's been done with a writing utensil since Wesley Snipes and that pen in Demolition Man. Except where Wesley Snipes' moment was stupid and funny, this one is totally creepy and effective. Anyway, it's a good movie.

And a movie that is pretty much the complete opposite of everything from The Dark Knight is Mamma Mia. Stylistically, thematically, cinematographically (I think I just made that word up. It's rather awkward. Try saying it out loud.). The costumes are bright and interesting and the setting is gorgeous. You should know, though, that Pierce Brosnan is not a singer. The casting people really should have switched Pierce Brosnan with Colin Firth as far as characters go. Pierce Brosnan is seriously the worst singer in the film. The best seems to be Amanda Seyfried, whose hair I now covet. They even managed to make Meryl Streep look soft and pretty. Plotwise, Mamma Mia is the opposite of The Dark Knight. It's very light on plot, where The Dark Knight has almost too much plot. There is much more to accomplish in many more storylines. Mamma Mia just has to shoehorn in as many ABBA songs as possible. Some of them are really terribly done, but others are pretty decent. It was almost fun and definitely light. If that's what you're into, then go for it.

Aack.

OK, so I'm leaving home for 11 days in about 24 hours. I have mucho packing to do and need to fit eleven days worth of clothes and toiletries into two checked bags, or, preferably one. We shall see. I wish I had a little bit more notice, but I think the bonus trip at the beginning of my vacation will be fun. I do like that once I deliver the proposal I have one completely empty carry-on size suitcase. The proposals are numberous bound books and fill that suitcase and you have to keep it with you, since that's the whole point of sending a person instead of sending it UPS. I do love UPS though. Anyway, then I have an extra suitcase to fill with crap. When I took one to Chicago, I couldn't even lift the carry-on over my head to put it in the compartment. Some dude totally helped me, which was very nice. I guess I should start working my arms out as hard as I work my legs. Also, I bought the cutest skirt yesterday at Gap. I just hope Rachel doesn't already have it. :-P And Jennie is being kind enough to drive me to the airport tomorrow so I don't have make my boss do it or leave my car in expensive airport parking for that long. That would suck. So yay, Jennie and yay, cute skirts.

Awesomeness squared

So, even though my car is ostensibly fixed, I was still somewhat wary about driving it to Birmingham on Friday. There's always the chance that something could go awry, or that it's not even really fixed at all. I've been trying not to freak, still. This morning I woke up with the worst migraine I've had in a while. So I called work and took and Imitrex and laid down to wait for it to take effect so I could go to work. It helped and then I called work to tell them I was on my way and they asked me if I would go to Philadelphia on Thursday to deliver a proposal. I was like, well, I'm supposed to be in Orlando on Saturday, so I don't know. They offered to fly me from Philadelphia to Orlando instead of back to Nashville on Saturday. And the price of tickets was really the onl reason I wasn't going to fly, because a round trip would have been about $400. I was considering flying to Birmingham and back to Nashville, but now I can fly to Orlando free for me and only pay to fly myself back to Nashville from Orlando. Score!! God dropped some awesome on me today. Also, I get to go to Philadelphia and see some historical stuff! The only hitch is that now I have to have all my work and personal stuff ready for me to be gone for a week by Thursday morning instead of by Friday afternoon. So I'm going to be a little busy. And I think I'm going to a movie later and then also tomorrow. I make judicious use of my time. ;)

Woo

My car is not dead. It is, in fact, fixed! Apparently the original owner had an alam system so no one would steal his spiffy grey Sentra with tinted windows. It was either haphazardly put in or removed, for there were some wires cut all funky and some were just twisted back together. Apparently after seven years of holding together, they started slipping. Anyway, it's fixed now and for a not entirely astronomical price. Eh. Banner day for Benzes! Score for Dave being cancer-free!

Noooooo

I think my car is trying to make me cry and give me migraines. I have been having serious migraine problems for the past few weeks. Urgh. And yesterday my car wouldn't even let me go to lunch because it was really hot. And it still wouldn't start at 5 when it was time to go home. This morning I had a doctor's appointment and when I tried to leave the doctor's office at all of 9:30, my car wouldn't start. So I had to get someone from work to come get me. It's just very frustrating and I do not want to sink more money into that piece of crap. On the bright side, I had the best blood draw ever this morning. I seriously barely felt it. That lady was awesome, so I told her so and she laughed. But it was really good and you know what I mean, because who hasn't had a bad blood draw? Where they jostle it around like it's their first time and what not. I need to go eat breakfast.

True Confessions, Part Deux

I've been struggling with something personal for the past couple weeks and I don't really want to discuss it, but let's just say I need prayers for my state of mind. And no, it's not about what I'm about to bring up. Earlier I was reading an article about lies parents tell their kids, which was entertaining enough, although I've never heard of parents threatening to call the police if their kids won't go to bed. But anyway, I saw a link to this article, about a woman who fears she is passing her eating disorder on to her daughter. You guys, that totally made me cry. I do not have a daughter, obviously, but I had an eating disorder.

I was discussing it with a friend the other day and she says she likes to think of what we did when we were in college as 'competitive starvation' rather than anorexia. Which is kind of funny, but also true. We fed off each other as far as our neuroses about food, as well as our state of mind. I was fairly thin in high school and then in college, I got even thinner. I bought my first two-piece bathing suit when I was 18 and it was a child's size ten (or maybe it was twelve-I am old and forgetful, but either way, that's bad). I lived on pretty much nothing but those popsicles that are just kool-aid in a plastic sleeve that you have to freeze for a summer. It was probably the only time in my life until now that I was not dehydrated.

And in that article they say girls with 'cold' mothers are more likely to have eating disorders. Hello, I got all my 'mom' hugs from other peoples' mothers. I don't actually want to blame this on my mother, not entirely anyway. I was old enough when I started to be in control of my actions and aware of the reasoning behind them. My mother does have a strange preoccupation with weight, though. Not just hers or mine, but pretty much everyone's weight. I don't think I have that. I used to be able to guess people's weight within 5 pounds one way or the other, though. I only ever did that with guys-I'm not that stupid.

I'm not even going to get into how I went from one extreme to the other, but I'm working on that. I just really would never want to pass on my neuroses about my own person to any child I might have. I was talking to someone the other day about it and they were like, well, did you get counseling? Umm...no. I don't think it was ever even discussed with my doctor or parents or anything. It was just something I decided to stop doing, like when I decided to stop taking all the narcotics my neurologist offered. If you think I'm exaggerating or that I wasn't really, trust me, I have some pictures somewhere. I had a friend who was 9 inches taller than me and was double my weight. I bought half my clothes in the children's department (they were cheaper and I really like colors). It was just that it got easier to be that way in college because people weren't always in my face handing me food and asking me if I'd eaten. But that was then, and this is me being smarter. Although, in case you were wondering, if you are already hungry when you eat lunch, a banana and carrots will not suffice. I was running short on food and time yesterday and, dude, was I starving later. Anyway, I don't think I've ever really discussed this, except some with Rachel, so of course I would decide that perfect place to tell people would be the internet. Genius. Anyway, eating disorders are bad and not talking about things that hurt you and what motivated you to do them is also bad. Let's face it, I've done a lot of stupid things, it was just that no one noticed because Dave and Mark were so busy being the squeaky wheels. And I never wanted to talk about them because it's embarrassing. Whatever, I was stupid and got scary thin and now I'm not. I'm trying to be at peace, but it's hard. Salam.

Where is the innocence we can't reclaim?

I have had the title song from Children of Eden in my head for days now. I texted Mark and told him because he was, you know, in it. I was not, and it was ten years ago that I saw it. And I only saw it twice. Once when the school went and another time at night because Mark was in it and I like Mark. I just want you to understand how veery random it is that this song is stuck in my brain. Soooo...I don't know so many of the words. Really just a couple of phrases. Anyway, other things I've forgotten include seeing a movie last week. I saw Get Smart on Thursday. It was ok. It was not as bad as I've read. I like that Steve Carell didn't try to mimic Don Adams' Maxwell because that most likely would have just made fans of the show angry. So if you want to watch something inoffensive and moderately bland, go nuts. Also, I almost labelled this post dorktastic, but I realized that to be truthful, I would have to label all my posts that way. ;)

I am so mature...

Last week, Shannon and I were going to dinner and we were chatting about something in the car when we saw a sign that made both of us start giggling at the same time because we are twelve. I went back the next day to take a picture and it had been changed. I was very sad. It said, "Our "package" will stimulate your heart and soul." And the quotation marks are not mine, they were on the sign like that, and in red, too. The color of harlots. In case you were wondering, it was at the Unitarian Universalist church. Apparently those heathens sex you up if you go there.

Whatever happened to innocuous Superfudge and Ramona and Laura Ingalls Wilder?

So, I've been reading this weekly column on Jezebel where the journalist re-reads a YA book from her youth and reviews it. It's been really interesting and I have not even read or even heard of all the books they've done. But I have come to the realization that, if ever I have a daughter, I am so reading any book that is a YA or adult book before she gets to touch it. Because tons of those books have some sexual content, like people getting raped or masturbating or something (i.e. Julie of the Wolves, anything by VC Andrews, The Clan of the Cave Bear). Some of the worst ones seem to be ones I've not read, but I remember reading Judy Blume's YA books and they were always informative. When I was like 12, I found The Prince of Tides on my mom's bookshelf in her closet and I read it without her even realizing it. It was...disturbing. But anyway, I know my mom did not even look at the books I was reading once I was past like 8 or 9. Thusly, I managed to learn some things. I don't think that was necessarily bad, but I do know that had my parents read what I was reading, I would not have been allowed to read some of it. That is scary to me now, when it would have thrilled me then. But I'll always have Anne of Green Gables.

Apparently all businesses are being affected by the high cost of gas, including brothels. Also, do you really think prostitution is the world's oldest profession? I think maybe farming came first. Or possibly even something else. I don't know...my head hurts and I want to remove my jaw before I unwittingly grind all my teeth straight up into my cheekbones. Blurgh™.

In light of recent events, I give you this PSA

This is informative, if disturbing. And in case you don't really want to read it, here is the link to the list of the best sunscreens. I found it rather surprising. Also, this Wikipedia article suggests that many people do not use the correct amount of sunblock. And, really, your skin is no place to be skimpy.

True Confession

I fear I have become something of a movie snob. Apparently I only love awful good bad movies and movies that are truly good now. You would not believe the look I gave my father when I saw him watching Wild Hogs, or when he told me he and my mom rented Fool's Gold, or that they watched RV. I was horrified. Those movies all looked disastrous. And got terrible reviews. But that is neither here nor there. Who am I to judge what someone else finds entertaining? Not everything that entertains me is acceptable to others. So anyway, if you tell me you saw a movie whose very existence I question, I will try to hold my tongue (and my face, since often it is my expressions more than anything that give me away). And in turn, I expect you to laugh at me when I tell you this: I want to see Mamma Mia. The first time I saw a trailer for it, I was like, what? Are they serious? Then I saw another, and another. The idea started to grow on me. I don't have any particular affinity for ABBA, despite having Dancing Queen as my ringtone for a while. I generally can't stand Meryl Streep. I do love Amanda Seyfried in everything she's in and who doesn't like Colin Firth or Stellan Skarsgard? I saw this video of Amanda Seyfried singing Gimme Gimme Gimme (A Man After Midnight), with clips from the film interposed and suddenly, I had a full-blown desire to see this film. She's not a bad singer, and I like the song, despite never having heard it before. So there we are.

Sybil, is that you?

I've recently realised that my family sees me very differently from everyone else in my life. In my family, I am known for... not letting people get away with things. Or being unfair or mean. Outside of my family, I never confront anyone. None of my friends would even think of encouraging me to confront someone about something they were doing to me, because they know it would never happen. My family, however, thinks I can be a little...harshly honest. I'm trying to be more honest with everyone, because lies don't really help in the long run, but the only time I confront people outside the family is if they are hurting one of my people. Then, all bets are off. The other day, Shannon was on the phone and told me her boyfriend said she was stupid and handed me the phone and I yelled at him. I think I scared him. She thought it was really funny. She said she just wanted to see what would happen(meaning he did not actually say she was stupid-I totally apologised to him.). I've never been able to stand up for myself outside of the family, but I will stand up for others. I also will stand up for people in my family, since they are totally people I love. It's just weird that my family thinks I am mean or something, and no one else would ever think of nominating me to confront someone who needs a reality check.

Stupid anecdote alert-don't read this paragraph if you don't care about me doing something stupid. Actually, one time in high school, this girl was lying to my face(yelling, no less) and that made me very angry (I do NOT like being lied to), so I yelled back and she stood up, so I stood up. It didn't even occur to me that she was a lot bigger than me; I had justice on my side. Literally, because a second later, our teacher came over and yelled at her for yelling at me. That's what good comes of generally being quiet and not much trouble. ;) A friend of mine sat right next to me and he was like, dude, did you almost get into a physical altercation with someone much larger and angrier than you? I remember that right after that, when I realised what had almost happened, I got scared and kind of shaky. I was like, oh crap. That was a poor decision.

Anyway, apparently I have two personalities. Deal with it, Benzes. See? I can't stop myself. ;) I just think it's weird that my family thinks I am someone else. Someone with opinions and the backbone to back them up. Really I hate it when anyone is mad at me, but I guess with family, you're just like, right but they have to get over it eventually because they love me. We all got that speech often enough (we love you, but we don't love the things you do or how you're acting, et cetera).

Post 200!

My car is not dead! It's not even expensive because it was a bad starter that they put in all of 6 weeks ago, so they fixed it for free. You can't see me, but I'm doing a little dance in my chair at work right now. It's the 'my car is fixed for free' dance! I am such a dork, but I feel way better and I am excited about seeing Grandma and the AL Benzes tomorrow. It'll be rockin'. I just have to keep worrying and praying for Dave and several other family members and also the whole stolen identity thing I have going on. Pray for me about that and I will explain later to those of you I haven't already told. Maybe I'll give you step-by-step instructions on what to do after your identity is stolen. That would be a fun read...

I fail at life

Yesterday, everyone at work left at 4:30, except for me because apparently I picked Tuesday to be dedicated. I just wanted to finish what I was working on. When I did try to leave, my car wouldn't start. Awesome. I just got a new starter and alternator a month ago. Why wouldn't some more stuff break? I called Shannon and she was driving past on her way back from Glasgow anyway, so she said she would pick me up. A few minutes later I tried it again and despite the fact that when I tried to start about 35 times earlier, it decided to start. Whatever, I figured while I had it on, I would just drive it straight to the car place and leave it there. I did and they are going to look at it this afternoon and I am trying not to freak out. This is a really boring story, but Shannon picked me up in her psychedelic work van. It's really weird because the whole thing is painted blue with white clouds and there are pictures of people's eyes and people doing cool stuff without glasses. The back is my favorite part because there is a picture of the doctor and his head appears to be floating in midair due to the clouds. It's kind of trippy. Also, I am going to try to remember to go down Nashville Road and take a picture of something that cracked me up before it gets taken down.

If you need a distraction, look no further

Watch this all the way to the end where it gets even more ridiculous than you would think a Japanese game-show version of human Tetris might. If you have never watched any human Tetris before, marvel at the wonders. Why do you think the water is yellow?