Another play in one act

Parental guidance is suggested. This play contains some language and mild references to violence, as well as some truly terrible plays-on-words.

Andrea: So, did I tell you what I decided we need to do?

Shannon: Nooo...

Andrea: We need to join a roller derby team! There isn't one in town, but there's one in Nashville, or if you'd prefer, both Louisville and Lexington have teams.

Shannon: But I bruise easily and you are prone to migraines.

Andrea: Yes, well, we all have our crosses to bear. But you get to pick names and there's a registry and you know how I love paranomasias and also dirty stuff, so combining those two awesome things would make me ecstatic! So, the names should be like, dirty and/or violent and/or puns.

Shannon: Right. I can make a name for you...

Andrea: And I will pick yours! This could take a while, because you cannot have the same pun-tastic name as someone else on the national registry. Also, there's the problem that I looked into like, the rules of roller derby and it totally seems hard. Like, you have to be able to stop, which is something I was never able to master on anything wheeled except a bike (and cars!).

Shannon: Uhh...

Andrea: I know, you're wondering why I decided we need to do it, if I don't even know the rules or the point of the derby. That's an excellent inquiry, although you are the person who's been telling me for like 10 years now about how much repressed anger I have. I don't really know, but it sounded like a good idea to me this morning, so I spent an hour learning about it. So let's just make ridiculous names and forget the whole team-joining part. Sadly, Pirate's Booty is taken.

Later, in the car...

Andrea: Poke-Her-Hot-Ass!

Shannon: Bwa-ha ha! ...Well, if it matters, I am partial to alliteration...

Andrea: I can try to work with that. Horton Hires A Ho? Bloodbathsheba? A.C. Slay-Her?...This one's too obvious, but Violent Femme?

Shannon: Ha ha! There's something wrong with you...

A few minutes pass and we are back at home...

Andrea: Warring Piece! Leif Garrote? ...Esther the Molester? Latter-day Taint! ...Rufus Painwright? Ohhhh, this would so be Dave's roller derby name if he had one: Revenge of the Turd!

Shannon: (laughs and shakes head) (continues to humor me)

Andrea: Obsessive Compulsive Destroyer!

Shannon: Oh, I think that's it!

Andrea: OK, now you have to think of something! It's not so much fun when it's just me shouting random things at you. Or maybe it is for you. And heaven knows I'm keeping myself entertained.

Shannon: I really think yours needs to contain a reference to you being German.

Andrea: Fine, as long as there's no Sexicans about it, as neither of us is sufficiently lacking in caucasian-ocity to pull it off.

Editor's note: I did come up with more that I did not include in this post and if you care to hear them, I will share. :) Also, there were a couple periods where I was like, throw names at me. Throw words at me. It wasn't actually all that helpful, because Shannon would say, "Ruth" and I would say, "oh! Esther the Molester!" Or Haman's Curse, which we deemed too obscure for most.