Oh, Kentucky...

I don't know if you heard about the Bed, Bath and Beyond employees in Lexington who would not allow some people to use their phone to call the police about a toddler they saw locked in a hot car in the parking lot. But now it turns out that the manager of the store is being charged with a misdemeanor. And back in August, a woman in Lancaster, KY was sent to jail by a judge for coming to her court dates more than once (after being warned!) wearing short shorts. Apparently the judge did not want to see her business. I like the part at the end of the article where they're like, if she is still an inmate at the time of her next court date, she will wear a bright yellow uniform. Why can't Kentucky ever be in the news for doing something awesome?

“She’s in for a surprise when unlikely suitor high-concept high jinks unnecessary obstacle true love happy ending!”

I was reminded of this by something Rachel said. I think it's an entertaining look at birth control and the way it is marketed.

And if you like that one, then there is this good one about chick flicks. There are a bunch more Target: Women segments at Current.com.

Still no cat. Although this morning a guy who lives a couple streets away called because he saw a cat at about midnight last night that looked like the one on the flyers. He said he was going to talk to the people who live around him and see if they had seen it or if it belonged to anyone, and also put out a bowl of food on his porch. I thought that was very kind of him and it makes me feel a little better that people are noticing the flyers. I am trying to remain hopeful. Last night Shannon and I were watching America's Next Top Model and the other cat jumped up on the back of my chair, which is something only her sister usually does, and for a second I forgot and then I started crying. And Shannon heard me make a strangled noise and she thought I injured myself and came running over to shove the dog out of my lap and see if I was ok. So then I was a little hysterical for a second, with the laughing while I was crying. If anyone could manage to injure themselves while sitting still in a chair, it would be me.

Cry me a river

I think we all know that I'm a crier. I used to cry at the drop of a hat. Then I got medicated, and not so much. Then I unmedicated myself and I was what I think was normal about crying for a while. Now I'm a crier again, even though I am medicated. I don't think my crying has anything to do with depression, because I'm not depressed (I'm only on a tricyclic antidepressant because they help make migraine attacks less frequent and less severe). I think it's about how much I allow myself to care or feel. I watch the people at church go down to the altar and pray every Sunday and I cry, sometimes all the way through the invitation(my dad, or whoever is on sound that day, which is usually my dad, generally doesn't mention it, although he gives me concerned looks once church is over). Because, despite the large size of my church, I almost always know someone who is at the altar. And I know why they are there and it makes me cry. I pray with them from my post behind the camera in the balcony, and I cry. Lately I keep thinking that our pastor is watching me cry. He usually stands right in the middle and he keeps looking up, and I think he is looking at me. I don't think he even knows who I am, so I'm just being weird and paranoid. I don't know why it matters if people see me cry. When I was a sophomore in high school, I don't think there was a single person in any of my classes who didn't see me cry. My family was falling apart, and I felt like the only person who realized that in the big picture, because my parents were focused on the individual things my brothers were doing. And my brothers were both focused on what they were doing, so I didn't think they even realized that the other one was in trouble too. It was bad and I cried a lot. Throughout the day, because I was trying to hold it together at home because I knew my parents thought they already had enough problems. I would cry when I saw Dave in band, or when I didn't see Dave in band because he was skipping school again. Anyway, suffice to say, I have cried in public before(like the only time I ever went down to the altar, to pray for/about Dave that year-I love you Dave and I'm so glad that things worked out eventually.). I cry when other people cry, I cry when I watch the news and terrible things are happening. I try not to watch too much of the news when big things are happening because then I cry too much. I cry when great things happen to other people, because I am happy for them(even fictional people-I cried all the way through the last Harry Potter book every time someone was nice to Harry). I keep trying not to cry right now, because it won't do any good. I had a moment Saturday night and another one last night, but mostly I'm ok. I keep trying to believe Shannon when she says that we're going to find Grace. I know, she's just a cat, but how would you feel if your pet were missing? I'm getting discouraged and overwhelmed and I don't know what else I should be doing. And Rachel, I think Dave left me three comments because he doesn't want to call me because I might start crying. I don't think I will ever forget how horrified he sounded on the phone that day when my tire exploded and he realized I was crying. And I know how he feels, because when other people cry, I'm never sure what to do and I'm all awkward and can't say the right things. I read this article this morning and now I'm all weepy. Sometimes I get overwhelmed by all my fears and I cry seemingly out of nowhere like the author. Also, like the author's mom, I call small children and animals 'baby doll' fairly regularly. I have no idea where I picked it up, but I've been doing it for many years. Anyway, I'm glad work is so quiet today, because I keep tearing up, but no one is walking past my office, so it doesn't matter.

Still no cat. Shannon and I did flyers yesterday and there should be an ad in the paper today. Like anyone even gets or reads the paper. I am sad...

Distractions. This commercial for a local bedding company is completely heinous, not to mention approximately ten years behind.


Seriously, I cringe every time I see it. Which is a lot lately since there is not much on TV, so I have to watch live TV instead of DVR'd stuff. Although stuff is coming back. I cannot even tell you how excited Shannon and I were when Gossip Girl came back after the strike and the ads for it were like, OMFG and whatnot. It was pretty much like that, but without the F part. And this morning I read that Leighton Meester and Blake Lively are going to show up on an episode of 30 Rock as classmates of Tina Fey's in the '80s and I was all, OMG, I can't wait until 30 Rock is back. Although last week when I saw those photos of Fey and Krakowski on set I got all excited. But it's not coming back until like October. It is such an awesome show.

Fuzzy Tail is still missing. Shannon had to go help her grandma in Indiana, but her sister Amanda came and helped me search. I knocked on doors (which, I must be concerned, since I'm afraid of people) and no one had seen her, but many promised to keep an eye out. I'm trying not to freak out. I called the paper because they put lost pet ads in for free, so that will run Monday. I left work early Friday to go to the Humane Society and look at a tabby that had been brought in and they called me a little while later to see if it was her and then they told me I should use the copier to make flyers if I need to. So tomorrow I may do that and Shannon said she'd be back in the afternoon and would help me put them around our block. I was going to go to the ABF open house thing at church, but now I'm not sure because I might wander around the neighborhood more, peeking in bushes and peering under porches. A lady who lives a couple houses down told me a few minutes ago that she saw a dark tabby in the alley a block away. So, genius that I am, I took Kazoo for a walk down a tiny, dark alley (seriously, this alley is creepy even in the daytime, so I almost never take him on walks that way) to check for her. No such luck, although Kazoo managed not to start barking at the angry dogs chained up back there. Small favors. I just gave him a Benadryl, since I'm sure he chewed on a lot of things he's allergic to today on our numerous searching forays. Also, do you think it's ok to wear chocolate brown and black together?

Fuzzy Tail, a.k.a. Grace, is missing. She darted outside unexpectedly Thursday night and we couldn't find her by bedtime, so I figured she would be in her spot behind the garbage can by morning. She was not. It rained that night and all day Friday and Shannon and I both wandered all around the neighborhood at various times throughout the day. She was not wearing her collar when she got out, as I generally only put it on her when she is going out (I can tell that she doesn't like how it jingles). So I called the Humane Society and left a lot report with them in case someone brings her in. And I guess shortly I will go start knocking on the doors of my neighbors to ask if they've seen her. None of the ones we ran into yesterday had seen her. Poor Skinny Tail is super confused. She's being extra cuddly, including even sleeping with me all night. She usually just starts out on the bed so I'll pet her and then she leaves when I stop. But she was super attentive last night-every time I would switch sides she would hop over me to be on the new side too. Kazoo is being weirder than usual and I'm getting really worried. I did go get Layla a tag for her collar in case she ever get lost.

I was glad it was Friday until now

So, Shannon told me my e-mail was pretentious and that I am not allowed to call anyone pretentious for at least a week. My bad, person I e-mailed! I am totally apologetic. I am seeing spots right now and that really worries me for later. My head doesn't hurt too badly yet, but anytime I see spots, I know I am in for a textbook migraine shortly. Yesterday, I was worrying over something and I actually felt me bringing a migraine on myself in the span of about a half hour. Good job, self. But at least yesterday I knew why I had one. Argh!

Shortcomings

So, those of you who have been to my office may recall that there was a pretty good size sign on the side of the building, above the doors to the downstairs offices. There is no longer a sign. It fell this afternoon, landing on one of our VP's car and breaking into pieces. It was a very startling occurrence, particularly for the guy who just went in the door below it not 60 seconds before it happened.

Also, yesterday I sent an e-mail containing the phrase "never approached apologetic attitudinally." Was that a completely nonsensical thing for me to say, or does it make sense? It made sense to me, but now I'm quadruple-guessing myself and wondering if someone is going to be looking at me like I'm insane for phrasing my sentences strangely. Not that that doesn't happen to me from time to time anyway...

Musings in the key of G(randma!)

I think it goes without saying that my grandmas are awesome. I look like the one (trust me-my grandfather gave me a picture of my grandma at 14 when I was 15, and I finally knew that I looked something like someone in my family!), and think like the other(although my grandma told me when I was born my mom was like, she has your knees!-but not in a good way). Five summers ago, tragedy struck and my grandma needed some help, so I was fortunate enough to be able to stay with her. We talked a lot and I learned many things about her and my mom's whole family (and also some of her baking secrets). And I realized she understood me, which was cool because I am kind of all over the place sometimes. So I like to think that we're pretty close. She lends me books and we talk about all manner of things. Anyway, today I was working on Christmas presents, because I want to be like Rachel when I grow up and I was looking at my gift ideas for her on Amazon and realized that several of the books I put on her list, or those recommended by Amazon because of other things I have bought her or put on her list, are also on either my Amazon wish list or my shopping list. It's cool to learn stuff. Ask my grandma! Also, someone should purchase a grammar book for me posthaste, as that sentence earlier was incredibly convoluted. I've been reading a ton this summer, just not any literature. I've read no fewer than 45 books since July, but none of them are worth mentioning. I think I'm going to continue the reading, but up the ante on quality. I've bought several reasonably decent books at the second-hand bookstore here because I took a ton of crap in there and got $30 of credit. Yay, books! So now I just need to get around to reading them. I've decided that to further my efforts to better myself, I will read instead of watching boatloads of crappy TV, even though it's now time for new seasons and new shows. So I'm only going to watch shows that I really enjoy this season, instead of continuing to watch shows that I find only mildly interesting. I will watch the pilot episode of new shows that sound interesting and if I'm not hooked, I'm not going to watch the whole first season to give it a chance. I always do that because I keep thinking things have to improve. But anyway, that's my vow to myself, which is silly because now that Shannon has class four nights a week, I could watch crappy TV every day and no one would know.

Ummm, so today Amazon is recommending that I purchase ABBA's Gold album and some tape for a label maker. Random! I suppose it's possible that I was pricing label makers and tape on Amazon as compared to Staples. But still. I can honestly say I've never searched for anything ABBA related on Amazon. I'm inspired to start putting really dense tomes on history or language in my Wish List.

Oh, a note on the facials. They were lovely and relaxing and a decent way to spend a morning on a holiday. But neither Shannon nor I was aware that they had you remove your clothing for a facial. I mean, it might've just been the place we went to, but it was surprising.

True Confessions, Numero Tres

If I had a special gift, it would be my superb hearing. Really. Ask Mark. I used to freak him out with it (combined with my extra light sleeping skills). The other day, my phone volume was on one out of seven and I heard it ring in time to get to it even though I was two rooms away. That was a little freaky even to me. Also the fact that it was on one to begin with, which I'm still not sure how that happened.

It would seem that I cannot seem to stop injuring my feet. Shannon and I went to the mall looking for pants on Friday and wound up at Gap. I was trying on pants when I put a pair on and stepped backwards right onto what I assume was some sort of clothing pin. It was embedded in the arch of my foot. Awesome. It was no shorter than an inch and a half. I can't decide if I should get a tetanus booster or not. I have been exceedingly accident-prone lately.

Good weekend so far

I feel as though I complain rather a lot that I never get to do nothing(not anything, I do lots of things. I want to do nothing.) on weekends. I'm coming close this weekend, or rather, close enough. I did have to get up early yesterday since I had to be in Scottsville at 9, since I seem to be volunteering my services. I am such a sucker. And all I had today was church. And the only thing on the agenda for tomorrow is that Shannon and I are getting facials. I've never had one, but I hope it's cool. Friday we went to the beauty supply store and then we came home and I applied individual false lashes to her eyes. It took a half hour, but that's just cause I'd never done it before and I was trying to make sure it was perfect. It was an interesting experience, and they look good, although I had to trim them after I put them on so they didn't look crazy long and fake. We both agreed after we finished that she should not attempt to glue things to my eyes and then use scissors near them. But today she showed me how to use eyeshadow and a wet angle brush to approximate eyeliner. I think we all know I'm not good at eyeliner, so I don't use it. I could maybe do this, though. And we discovered I am capable of applying individual fake lashes on other people. All in all, a success. I also decided I need a hobby, preferably one that could lead to some supplemental income at some point. So if you know of something I should or could do, please, do share.

Also, a note on church: lately I've been thinking I need to go to ABF, so I need to find a suitable class. I went to the Young Careers one the Sunday before last, but I couldn't go last week because I only got back in town in time to go to the last service and do camera. I wasn't super impressed the first time, but I thought I should give it a real chance and go more than once. It's kind of funny, because next week, our church is having an ABF open house, so you can like, find one that hopefully fits. And this week, I got a postcard in the mail about a women's one that starts in September and meets at that same hour. So I may look into that one. As Shannon put it, "You were looking for a Sunday School class and the next week, you get a card inviting you to one for women. It's a God thing." I think she's likely correct.

Wow

I went to the cheap bookstore here in town today at lunch. I don't remember what it is called, but they have random stuff and it's all at least half price. In the case of these gems I found sitting on a table marked "All Items 99 Cents!," some awesomely random stuff. Like a book of photos of James Van Der Beek (marked bio, but I don't think I believe that) and a similar one of photos of Jennifer Love Hewitt. Behind Van Der Beek's book there was an even larger stack of books of Lee Ann Rimes, but that didn't make it into the photo. Sorry. But seriously, who would buy these, even for ninety-nine cents? Cheesy biographies of cheesy 'teen' 'stars' of the nineties and early '00s. And apparently, in order to get a biography you had to have at least three names in your working name. Also, look at the branding: High Interest Books? Really? That's why ten years later they're still around and only ninety-nine cents?

I took a picture of this in the Current Fiction section because it just struck me as funny. A Garrison Keillor book next to...whatever kind of book this is. Beneath those authors' names it says, "Three all-new stories of sinfully sexy men--and the women who change their wicked ways." The line below the title reads, "Behind every devil is an angel." Now I'm kind of wishing I had bought it. It sounds like a real winner. When I get incredibly bored, or really hyper or happy, I like to read passages from terrible books out loud so I can mock them with my friends and loved ones. Really, it doesn't even have to be books. I did it once with a pamphlet about Mormons and once with an informational packet about birth control (it was very wrong and ridiculous). Also, you know that dude on the cover's friends are going to tease him until the end of time.

It's cool to be ubiquitous

I totally did not know that Kal Penn was acting as a whip at the DNC. I really like him and I was glad when he got added to the cast of House. It seems rather random that he's doing that.

And how was Michael Phelps everywhere in NYC this morning? I saw him on GMA before I left for work and then this picture says he was on CBS' The Early Show. I saw a thing on Gawker Stalker that he was also filming a guest appearance for Entourage in NYC today. He's omnipresent! I'm starting to get scared.

No, I'm getting out of this joint!

Shannon and I were watching part of the DNC last night and it suddenly struck me as ridiculous. Why do they have to give acceptance speeches? What's up with all the hoopla? As if it would get to this point and the person would go to the podium and be like, "Uh, thanks for your confidence, but do you think I'm crazy? There's no way I'm doing this!" Kind of like how when we vote on stuff at church, by the time we get to the vote, it's always at least 97% agreeing with whatever the pawstor wants to do. Except even though we go through the motions of voting at church, there's no surrounding hoopla. It seems to me that since America has, since it's inception, not so much stood on ceremony, why are we bothering to try to create traditional crap now? At least the DNC isn't costing us government money, but still. There was a point to this, but now I've lost it again. I knew there was a reason I don't try to wax philosophical about important matters. And Joe Biden's forehead scares me. I think he Botoxed the crap out of it because it is unnaturally smooth and never moves. It must be strange to not be able to move your eyebrows. We also realized that one of the debates is supposed to be in Nashville, about which we were both excited. But then we discovered that it is on a Tuesday and that is the night Shannon has her accounting class that she has a quiz in each week. So unless she does really really well in that class between now and October 7th, we are not going. I mean, I could still go, but I don't think I know anyone else who would want to go and I don't think I would want to go alone.

Also, on Sunday when Dave and Rachel brought me back to work where I'd left my car on Friday, they came in to get drinks and whatnot. I offered Addie some grapes, as I've been keeping some fruits at work all the time now. Addie was like, well, no because I already pooped enough today. She's so funny. And she does eat a boatload of fruit. I just remembered that because I was going to throw the grapes with bad spots outside for the birds.

Fun with signage

Yesterday, on my way home from work, for the first time ever I waas glad to get stuck behind someone not turning right at that awful light on the Bypass that I have to go through 4 times a day. I was glad because I noticed the car in front of me said "Rags 2 Riches." Firstly, I was a little(li'l) surprised it didn't say "Ragz 2 Richez." The real thing was, it was a Pontiac, and not even a new one at that! I don't know if you can really see it in this photo, but I took it with my phone, so sorry. There was nothing I could do to make it better, short of hopping out of the car to get closer. I was not so much prepared to do that at 5:00 on a weekday at one of the worst intersections in town.
This reminded me, while I was in Philadelphia, the night I got there I walked down the street from my hotel to get a drink at the 7/11 and saw a sign that the girl behind the counter must have made advertising their new Slurpee flavor. I didn't take a picture because it was on the door, so she would have seen me and also, I didn't take my camera with me on that errand. But the sign referred to the flavor as "Rabiation" raspberry or whatever the flavor was. It was a tie-in with the Hulk movie, but it was supposed to be radiation rather than rabiation. I wonder, is one irrabiated if one gets rabies? I can only imagine that was what the maker was thinking. And no, I did not try the Slurpee. ;)

I forgot I was wearing flip-flops instead of real shoes...

So I may have dropped a five drawer filing cabinet on my foot earlier. In addition to the awesome bruise I'm certain will appear, I also have a large chunk missing from my big toe. It's gross. At least I found some band-aids.

I don't watch Dancing With the Stars, but after running across a list of the 'stars' who will be participating this season, I may have to start. I mean, Susan Lucci, Cloris Leachman, Lance Bass and Kim Kardashian?! If you've never seen Keeping Up With the Kardashians, count yourself fortunate. It is ridiculous and they are incredibly dumb and obnoxious. So, I've seen most of the episodes. Anyway, also that kid Cody Linley from Hannah Montana and all those Zaxby's commercials with Alyson Stoner. You know, the one where she says she's an actress and he says me too and the other one where they 'freestyle' 'rap', if you use both of those words in the very loosest possible forms? Yeah, those commercials are annoying. But, Cloris Leachman! Who doesn't think she is awesome? And Susan Lucci! She makes me want to start watching All My Children again. I haven't even seen it since I was like 19. Really, I think I would only watch Dancing With the Stars if there was a guarantee that Cloris Leachman would wipe the floor with all of the others. Or if it were like, Cloris Leachman dancing with Lance Bass and Susan Lucci dancing with Cody Linley and Kim Kardashian and Ted McGinley together. I know that's not how that show works, but that sounds like it would be so much more of a trainwreck.

Just thinking about this makes me want to wash my hands.

I was reading a book and they were talking about building a trebuchet, and I didn't know what that meant, so I wiki'd it. Apparently it's like an accurate medieval catapult. That's all well and good, but the part where it says they would put diseased corpses in it and launch them inside city walls with the hopes of infecting their enemies is just wrong. Using corpses as infective projectiles is almost as bad as Soylent Green. Although I bet Heston would totally have been all about someone using his dead body to kill his enemies. Well, maybe not...