Cleaning one's home (seriously cleaning, not regular) is not so bad when it involves rum, cherry kool-aid, an old cd of awesome music and, of course, gloves and masks so it looks like you're about to either kill someone or clean up after killing someone. Shannon's mom and step-dad are coming Saturday and we didn't want her step-dad to see stuff. She was like, it's really sad that we're both afraid of my step-dad. I was like, dude, if my mom were coming over, we'd be doing the same thing.

OK, so I haven't been able to concentrate all day. Please just pray for my friend and her family who are going through something heartbreaking and also possibly miraculous right now.

I learned about a food that disturbs me today. It is a 'pie floater.' I don't know what would possess someone to place a meat pie upside down in pea soup and then cover it with tomato sauce and/or mint sauce. That sounds completely disgusting, although Wikipedia tells me that Billy Connolly loves them. I guess that's ok for him because he's Scottish and completely awesome. But eeww. What are Australians thinking?

True story: When I was eight, I had a palate expander because I have the (apparently) dominant Benz trait of a narrow upper palate. It was nothing like the one Zoe had, or even the one Mark had a few years later. It was huge and cemented in and you had to turn the key every three days. I had this fear that whoever was turning the key would drop it down my throat, so I would only let my dad turn it and I made him wrap the string the key was on around his wrist. Even as a child I was weird. I remember the day one side of it came uncemented while I was brushing my teeth. It hurt because then the other side was digging into my gums. We beat the dentist to his office that day. He was just like, oh, I guess we are finished with this now. And that dentist now lives across from my grandma. Anyway, the thing is, I thought it was called a pallid expander, because it's not like anyone showed me any literature on it and I didn't know what the roof of my mouth was called. Also, people do not enunciate and I knew that pallid was a word. You couldn't Google stuff like that back then...

Apparently BG had a tea-bagging protest the other day. On the news, they kept showing this kid who couldn't have been over 11 who was wearing a hat with ear flaps and holding a sign that said "What would Reagan do?" I was like, Shannon you missed your chance to go hold a sign like that. The year we lived together in college, there were a couple pictures of Reagan up in our shrine to Reagan because Shannon loves him so (except really not at all, in case you think I am serious about the Reagan love. I am serious about the pictures, though.). Anyway, since she missed it, we decided we just need to borrow that kid with the earflaps and the Reagan sign because he seems awesome. Seriously, how many kids really know anything about Reagan? Do you think anyone explained it to him before they gave him the sign?

OK, so I figured out why Kal Penn got killed off on House-he's leaving to do PR work for the Obama Administration. Sadness. It was kind of like that episode of ER when Gant, played by the guy who plays Foreman on House, jumped in front of a train and died rather unexpectedly.

Anyway, I made it through last week. Thanks to everybody for encouraging me. It really was that kind of week. Dave and Rachel brought me an awesome strawberry cake that said, "AL Benzes {heart} Andrea." It was so good. And my grandma made a cheesecake and then we had brownies and lemon bars. Shockingly enough, no one went into a sugar coma. The girls were all adorable and took some really good pictures. And played nicely with each other and whatnot. To give Rachel a boost this week, here is a link to Pride and Prejudice via Facebook News Feeds. And it is a masterpiece. For the boys, since I know they didn't read that book, here is The Aeneid done in FaceBook News Feeds. "The Greeks deleted the group Troy." Hah.

OK, so you know how some places make you have security questions, sometimes even when you remember your password? I was logging in to something the other day that I very rarely use and I put the name of our first pet, because that was one of the questions. That was not right. I had to think about it for a minute, because I used our first real pet, not like, the hamsters or whatever Dave caught. Then I remembered that I used Mark as my first pet for this. Yeah, little brothers are just like pets. For sure.

Funny Or Die

Rachel, this is for you, since I don't know if you've seen it yet. Also, his sad face is epic!

Zac Efron's Pool Party from Zac Efron

So, as of this morning I've already worked over 40 hours this week. I can no longer retain any information for more than a minute or two or wear my contacts more than 20 minutes before my eyes start to burn. But hey, once this week is over, it should get better. Yesterday I logged in to check my gmail for a minute and I had an email from Dave Ramsey (of the FPU) and it said, 'don't stop now Andrea! You're a gazelle!' Thanks, Dave Ramsey. I did need that reminder that I was more than halfway throught the week and not to give up. I didn't actually open it, as I'm sure it was not anything that would help me right now, but I thought it was funny.

My parents called me this morning. First problem was that my mom was all, did we wake you? Uh, no, since I haven't slept past 9 in like 3 years. Second problem was that they called because they're cleaning out their attic. My mom was all, do you want to come help? Uh, the only thing I want to do less today than clean out your attic is clean my own kitchen. Which hasn't happened yet, but we'll get to it. The rest of the house is clean now. I worked 50 hours this week and I'm seriously considering going in tomorrow. If I can make it through the next two weeks, then I will be ok. It's just really crazy right now, which if you care I'll explain later. But whatever.

Things I do not miss about working at the clinic:

Constant papercuts from pulling charts. So, not just paper cuts, but deep cuts from manila folders. Yeah, I have been pulling files today, and some of them were already put up in banker's boxes, so I even have a couple of cardboard cuts. Thrills!

Researchers say that people who grew up with at least one sister are happier, more ambitious, more emotionally balanced, and more successful than people who only had brothers. So, you're welcome, Dave and Mark. Why did you have to screw me like that, though? Why does everyone else benefit from my existence, but not me? What's that? Am I being a whiny middle child? No, but thanks for asking. Besides, I did get Rachel while I was still a teenager and I think she's helped me be less insane than I was then. I like to think we help each other out with that, but maybe not. Maybe I'm marginally saner because I matured or something. Or not. Besides, once Mark got to be 8 or 9 or so, I decided I couldn't handle having a little sister like I wanted up to that point. Mark was trouble enough... And then later, Dave.

In case you were wondering, it's not really an awesome idea to hula hoop while wearing pants with an elastic waist...

OK, well now I know what I should buy next fall. Although I had not heard of the 'freedom blanket' or 'blankoat' before. There was a third that I had heard of, but it was more than the 'slanket' and I don't remember what it was called. I had pretty much decided that the slanket was my best bet, it was just that it was more, so I dragged my feet until it got mostly warm.

Eewww

Why would someone zoom in on an ear like that? It's the bottom picture that makes the top make sense. I did not need to see that. Rachel, your pal Efron needs some ear cleaning lessons.

I still try to watch SNL sometimes...

OK, Alec Baldwin hosted SNL on Valentine's Day, with musical guests the Jonas Brothers. I missed it then, but recorded it last night (What? Baldwin is hilarious!). This probably won't be as funny to people who don't have a niece who spent a summer calling the Jonas Brothers the Jonuts/Donuts, but you should watch it anyway. She's a genius, just like Great-Grandma says! Also, IMDB tells me that his daughter Ireland goes by Addie. Random!

This digital short is not really very funny, except for the video parts. They're awesome the way the Robin Sparkles videos are awesome. The crazy faces the middle one makes while singing definitely look far less out of place here. What? I watched Camp Rock with Zoe last summer because I am a good aunt (Trust me, it was better than The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl and I made it through that with her. Although really, having my tonsils removed was preferable to that movie, so that's not saying much for Camp Rock. But still.).

Random!

I just watched episodes of two completely different shows back to back and you know what they had in common? Shrödinger's cat was mentioned in both. What are the odds of that?

Somehow, the internets know I have had the longest of long weeks and decided to make it up to me with this. If my week hadn't sucked so hard, I would bother to write it up all fancy like, with some 5 dollar words. But it did and so I do not care. One more hour and I can go home and drink some rum, watch some bad tv and go to bed. Possibly not the rum. Depends on how this headache goes.

Curious...

Last night when I was going to bed it was hot in my room because I had been running the dryer (the laundry room is attached to my room, since none of you have been privileged enough to visit The Paneled Palace). So I took off my pj pants because I can't sleep without a cover, but sans pants, plus cover is totally ok. It was rainy and windy last night and I recall waking up several times. When I got up this morning I was wearing pants. I don't remember putting on pants any of the times I was awakened by the weather. Hmm...

Is anyone else disturbed by those Old Navy 'town gown' commercials? They're just so weird and incredibly stupid... Who decided that the creepy mannequins were a good idea?

Shannon was rereading the later Harry Potter books the past week or so, and so I was rereading them after her, but we didn't have the last one. So she bought it in hardcover because they don't have it in paperback yet, but then she left it at her grandma's house, so now I can't read it. And apparently it's not coming out in paperback until this July. That book has been out for nearly 2 years! That's just mean. I refuse to pay $25 for it. While looking for it, I noticed the lists on the side and one was called, 'my favorite chapter books' by Claudia Kishi. Wasn't Claudia Kishi a character in The Babysitter's Club books? The one with a learning disability, crazy clothes and a love for candy, whose house they always met at?

I just found out Christopher Walken Twitters. That definitely has potential for awesomeness...scratch that, it is completely as awesome as you might hope.

...like tiny thermometers that come in turkeys...

If you want to laugh so hard you might cry, you should read this. Parental discretion is advised. It is seriously hilarious; two out of two people I know who read it agree. If you don't think it's funny, just ask me to read it to you next time I see you.

"We're misunderstood-deep down inside us there is good."

I feel like once I start talking about something, it keeps popping up everywhere to entertain me at every turn. Today, that something is West Side Story. Which I totally loved when I was a kid and thought Anita was all awesome, all the time. And here is where it popped up now-Vanity Fair. I'm not really clear on why J. Lo is Anita, and everyone else is supposed to be like, young and up-and-coming hot stars or something. But some of those pictures are totally awesome. Also, I love to sing the song about being a Jet all the way. And do the dance with the crouching and snapping. Or maybe I don't.

"This is a man who had wanted to have two families." Ugh!

I don't know if any of you are following the Josef Fritzl trial, but I think I'm going to have to stop. And just in case I couldn't do it alone, the rest of the trial is going to be secret anyway. The details that have been coming out are so unbelievably awful that I feel physically ill. And the defense that he is not a monster because if he were a monster, he wouldn't have let her have the children and continue feeding them is insane. I know someone has to defend him, and they have to say something, but really? Letting his daughter have his children and only taking half of them away from her is totally cooler than if he were to use some form of birth control?! The half he didn't take from her have physical and sociological issues. They have a stoop, which I guess means they are hunchbacked, because they've spent their entire lives in a place that has ceilings that are only five feet high. Plus the fact that they've only ever interacted with four other people, have rotting teeth and gums, limited vocabulary and language skills, and undoubtedly some serious emotional issues from seeing their father/grandfather repeatedly rape their mother.

I understand you want to make finance entertaining, but it's not a f.....g game!

Shannon and I were watching The Daily Show the other day (by the way, if you weren't following the ridiculous media storm surrounding Jon Stewart's battle of words with Jim Cramer, you should totally watch Thursday's Daily Show, as Jim Cramer got totally schooled, and I think he liked it.), and for some reason they were talking about John McCain having a Twitter account. I was like, now I think we need to sign up for Twitter solely so we can subscribe to that! And Trent Reznor's Twitter...I don't know. There's something wrong with my brain, you guys. Also, I'm not so sure I care about Twitter. I mean, it's pretty much just like Facebook status updates without the Facebook part, no?

Uhhh...I don't know. I don't have any songs in my head right now...

I just realized that now that I'm officially old, I need to change my thing on my profile. But I don't know any quotes about being 27! Balls! Anyway, I am clearly a winner, because I have left my house exactly once today, and that was just to get some Coke from McDonald's this morning, because their Coke is the best and I needed it. And yet, even though I only stood on the porch to let the dog pee four times(by the way, Kazoo is so good for me that I haven't put his leash on him in weeks and he comes right back to the porch when I call him), I managed to get yelled at by an older gentleman(it wasn't entirely random, as it was someone I know, who felt the need to pull over and yell at me while I stood shivering on the porch, waiting for Kazoo to finish his business). I am that talented. Or need that much guidance? Eh. It's been a lovely day full of watching crap TV, taking a bath, and reading, thus far, three books. I was going to critique a movie I watched today for you, but I don't think anyone cares about my crap tv, so whatever. Although I don't recall mentioning on here that the weekend I went to Birmingham, Rachel and I spent most of that Saturday watching terrible made-for-TV movies about mutant snakes on the Sci-Fi channel. Dave did not get it. Anyway, I noticed today that it was mutant fish movie day on Sci-Fi, featuring one of the same movies that was on for mutant snake movie day, Snakehead Terror; a wonderful argument for the wonderful films that are made in Canada. I did not watch it today, merely laughed and proceeded to watch things from the DVR. Things like Ugly Betty, something I'm not overly excited about but continue to watch. This episode did feature someone wearing purple tights. On the other hand, it also featured America Ferrara saing she 'could care less' about something or other. That really irritates me because it is all wrong. Like people who say literally, when what they mean is figuratively. Ugh.

Also, I don't know how this happens, but anytime Shannon has to run to the store for things, she always manages to convince me to go, but the other day I couldn't convince her to go with me, as usual. Thusly, I went to the store for milk, bread, and cheese and came home with that, plus 6 different kinds of muffin mix. Apparently now that I own a muffin tin, I plan to use it frequently (I bought one last Friday so I could make cupcakes for Shannon's birthday instead of a cake, so as to make it easier to parcel out to others). This is why I need supervision.

'the words that he spoke made the people assume there wasn't too much left in the upper room'

So, I saw something completely absurd in Philadelphia. It was this. Dave Ramsey would be horrified. I also think it's funny that it's on clearance.

I finally started to read Wuthering Heights, because I only bought it like two years ago since it's a classic I thought I should read. I am not loving it. It's freaking depressing, and I have a tendency to speak in the style of books that I am reading, so watch out for that and be sure to call me on it. Before my flight back from Philadelphia, I bought Glamour because I didn't want to read the book the whole flight. And from Glamour, I learned this: there is a male designer named Chris Benz, who had some tips, including; 'combine stuff you already own in new ways' (I am all over this, mostly because I don't do laundry as often as I should and then I decide things are good enough.), ' try some wild make-up colors...turquoise liner. It's easier to wear than you think (I am definitely all over this-I use an angle brush, water, and eyeshadow to make all kinds of awesome eyeliner colors. I am particularly fond of indigo and bright blue, as they make my eyes look green. Purple is also good, but dark or at least violet, not lavender.), 'there's something so chic about matching everything-jacket, scarf, tights, shoes, everything. This is not for the faint of heart, but you'll look like a true color genius' (I used to do this, and I don't mean like when I was 6, but like, when I was 20. My underthings always matched too. I was super OCD about things sometimes, but you just haven't lived until you've seen a 19 year old girl wearing the Superman shirt from a set of Underoos with red shorts and blue and red socks and red sparkly tennis shoes-they came from The Limited Too. I shopped in the children's dept a lot, as stuff was way cheaper.). Anyway, it was amusing. Also, I totally typed this post like a week and half ago. I am slow. Also, a five year old told me she liked my 'eye stuff' today. Bright eyeliner for the win! Glad I got that off my mind grapes. ;)

Eewww.

It may have been a poor choice to eat yogurt right after brushing my teeth.

I don't patronize bunny rabbits.

So, apparently they are going to make Heathers into a musical! Now, I love Heathers, and I like musicals (love some), but I am not so sure that these things should meet. I used the phrase, "What's your damage, Heather?" last week (and no, I don't have any friends named Heather.). Anyway, I know it's campy, but it's awesome. If ABC Family channel showed it as much as they show Bring It On, I would be watching it all the time, but alas, I have to make do with the sheer brilliance that is Bring It On. Which I totally make people who haven't seen it watch. I made my friend Kristine watch Boondock Saints recently and she was not impressed. I fear we cannot be friends any longer. Sorry, Kristine. I asked her if she at least liked Bring It On and she was like, uh, yeah, but what does that have to do with anything? I don't know, but apparently they are part of my litmus test for friends.

Also, Shannon is going to NY with her sisters and step-mom and they want to go see a show and she was like, Avenue Q for the win! I was talking to her about it because Mark used to talk about it rather a lot and it seemed like a musical she would enjoy more than others, and now she really really wants to see it. And really, I've not seen it, but what's not to love about a musical that has songs called, 'What Do You Do With a BA in English?' and 'Schadenfreude?'(I love the word schadenfreude-it is awesome. As my dad says, a German word for a German concept. And yes, I know he didn't make that saying up.) Hey Mark, don't you have the book Wicked? Can I borrow it?

"In 1996 God told me to preach the Gospel on cable television in Tucson, Arizona."

I love that this author thought that belonged in her book description; not her about the author, but her book description. Would you buy a book called BIRTH CONTROLS IS SINFUL IN THE CHRISTIAN MARRIAGES and also ROBBING GOD OF PRIESTHOOD CHILDREN!!? I kind of love that we live in a world where such a book exists and is apparently written in all caps, and someone on Amazon tagged it 'caplocks are evil.' I really do love it. Also, it costs $135! And someone is selling a used copy, and the description says it was signed by God himself (I can only assume they are making fun of the author, because in her description of her book, she writes that it is an holy-spirit authored tome. Except in all caps, of course.). I think it should be added to all Amazon baby and wedding registries, because I just noticed those buttons and it made me giggle.

I should be working. But I am still amused by the Facebook pirate language 'arrplication.' It makes me giggle. This morning my cousin went from 'tis a long tale,' to being 'marooned.' I didn't even know what that meant, but I do now because Rachel informed me. But it sounds entertaining. And 'manglin' one's 'portrait' sounds way more fun than just changing your profile picture. Also, 'yer scurvy self be appreciatin' this,' is ten times cooler than 'I like this.' It is confusing, but it might be worth it for the entertainment value when people 'demand that ye be mateys.' Also, my wealth of pirate jokes got us a free tin of cookies last time I talked to our office supply account manager guy. Top that! Oh, geez, now I have that terrible rap in my head (you know, the one from Teen Witch, the one they brought up on 30 Rock recently, just when I thought I had forgotten it.).

So, probably none of my family watches Keeping Up With the Kardashians, but at my house, we do. It's ridiculous and they are all horrible to each other, but we do. Anyway, it just came back and the episode was about how one of them had to go to jail for violating her parole by skipping out of DUI classes to go on a vacation to another country. She was supposed to go for 30 days, but got out within three hours because of overcrowding. She took it pretty well, with humor, unlike her family, who were awful. Ans he oldest sister made her go out to eat with them when she got out and then the sister proceeded to get completely plastered, which, nice. They mentioned it on Jezebel and some girl commented that driving drunk is something that 90% of all college students do or have done. That rings very false to me. I have never driven drunk, in college or now, and most of my friends haven't either. I do know people who have, but I think she pulled that statistic out of her butt. And you?

Aaargh

Seriously, Saudi Arabia? Giving a 75 year old woman 40 lashes?! Because a young guy and his friend brought her some bread?! I don't know if that's better or worse than the 100 lashes for the woman who was gang-raped.

I think the problem with the internet is just what Michael Scott thinks is the beautiful thing about the internet: that anyone can write anything they want about anything. And then stupid people read it and take it as gospel. They would say, wind up trying to convince you that potatoes are blue, and it must be true because they read it on the internet. So maybe stupidity is really the problem. Yes, so let's work on fixing that.

Hah! This blog just came in handy at work. We were trying to figure out our AT&T bill, and needed to know what days our phones were down when we had the bad weather, and since I complained about that here, I was able to look up the answer no one else had. Yeah, I am ridiculous...

In which I attempt to branch out, foodwise.

Birthday was good. Had Thai food. Shannon and I went shopping. All I bought was Tylenol Sever Allergy pills. They are awesome. I am feeling better.

And believe it or not, last week I tried sushi (I don't eat fish. Not even cooked fish. The smell is gross to me, and sometimes the textures are too weird. The smell thing, mostly. I think because when I first started getting the migraines, I had one and my mom was making fish and it smelled up the whole house and I was about to be sick, so I had to leave the house. And thus, I do not eat fish.). Real sushi, where it's just a slab of raw fish, not like, the rolls with crunchy stuff and cream cheese or whatever (those are totally ok, by the way). I ate a piece of raw salmon. It was not very good. It tasted like medical supplies smell. That's the closest I can come to describing what it was like to me. But I thought in the interest of giving it a fair shot, I should eat a second piece. So I did. Still medical-y. So, only the rolls for me.

I don't want to be sick on my birthday. That would muck up my plans, such as they are. I'm celebrating tonight with my parents, which is nice. Mmm, cornbread. Time for more sinus drugs!

Fun times at Ye Olde Paneled Palace

Evening, interior, Paneled Palace

Shannon: (walks into kitchen) Did you wash a bowl? Can I use it?!


Lunchtime, interior, Paneled Palace

Andrea: (powdering her shiny face in the bathroom) (listening to Shannon tell a story)

Shannon: (sitting on the toilet lid, eating a breakfast Hot Pocket, telling a story) Oh, dude! (gestures at self, situation)

Andrea: We are so classy! (the two high-five on that)

bowel-shaking earthquakes of doubt and remorse...

One evening last week, I went to bed. I started thinking about my grandma and started crying and then couldn't stop. I seriously just could not stop. Shannon was at the library and when she came home, I was sitting on the toilet lid, holding a roll of toilet paper. Aside-I do not understand when books talk about people's faces being tear-stained. Even if I don't wipe them away, it's not like you can see the tear tracks down my face. I mean, you can tell if I've been crying recently because my eyes will be puffy or my birthmark will be extra purple. But actual tear tracks? No. Is this just me? Anyway, she was all, but you're just grieving. It was just it was so random and then I couldn't stop it. I'm going to have to look for the picture my grandfather gave me when I was 15. It was of my grandma when she was 14, and it looked so much like me. I was excited that I finally had some resemblance to someone in my family. Now I know that there is resemblance between me and Dave and Mark, but I guess maybe we were still growing and I couldn't see it then.

My grandma taught me how to braid when I was little. Not by sitting me down and showing me, but by giving me a braid and a doll and telling me to figure it out. She did tell me she would show me if I couldn't figure it out, but I managed. She made doll clothes for my Barbies that I loved so much. They were so much better than the skanky Barbie brand clothes. And just think about how much worse Barbie's clothes have gotten. My Barbies had an awesome peasant blouse and a cool flippy tulip skirt and several other good items. When I was 8, my grandparents gave my cousin who is Dave's age the box set of the Anne of Green Gables books. I remember reading the backs and thinking they looked awesome, and my grandma was paying attention. Guess what I got for my birthday 6 months later? Only what became my all-time favorite book series ever! Seriously, you would know how much I loved those books if you saw my copies. And I know a lot of people probably think they are dated, but I think the themes are timeless, but that's a discussion for another time. Right after she gave me those books, she made a doll for me. It was a doll with reddish hair, freckles, blue-ish eyes, and a mouth that turned down a bit and had a pronounced cupid's bow. I didn't even realize until then that my mouth did that. But then I saw what she already knew. It was an awesome doll -not like, a rag doll, but a real doll-it's hard to explain. I wish we hadn't given it away, along with the Barbie clothes. But I still have the memories. My grandma was a wonderful, godly lady. The night she died, my family and my cousins and aunt and grandfather were all sitting around at the house, looking at old pictures, when we found a photo of Mark, sometime under the age of five, wearing what were basically blue lederhosen and a rainbow bow tie. We were all cracking up over this, when my mom got all upset and told us to stop laughing. She was like, Grandma made those for him! We were like, so? If Grandma saw that picture now, she would totally laugh.

And I don't even care to shake these zipper blues

I fear I am losing my mind. For the past week or so, more than a few times I have walked in to the bathroom and realized that my pants were already unzipped but still buttoned. I cannot figure out if I am doing that in the hallway prior to entering the bathroom, or like, an hour before because I keep starting to walk to the bathroom, but then I think of something else I have to do that makes me veer off my original course. I would hope that someone would tell me if I were wandering about with my pants unzipped. I'm choosing to believe that I am doing it moments before entering the bathroom, whilst thinking of something else, and that is why I am not noting that I am doing it. Yes, that must be it.

IT is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single alien in possession of a good planet, must be in want of a bloodbath.

I don't know what is up with all the Pride and Prejudice mutilation lately, but check this out. This time it is not a book, but a movie, and not zombies, but aliens. On an even more random note, it is being produced by Elton John's production company.

So, it's Valentine's Day. In honor of the martyrs, I present this for your amusement. Despite the fact that it drops on April 1st, it does seem to be a real book, as one can purchase it on Amazon. I know what Rachel's getting for Mother's Day!! Also, if anyone can defeat zombie hordes, it's a woman, specifically Elizabeth. I love you dudes.

Happy Valentine's Day?

Last night Shannon and I got a heart-shaped pizza from Papa John's, purely for the novelty. It was pretty good. It is thin crust, so it's not like regular Papa John's pizza. But it was fun.

Also, here is an excerpt from a conversation we had the other day in the car.

Interior, Shannon's vehicle. Night.
Shannon: Find some music on my sister's ipod. Make sure you put the plug in, but not all the way or the vocals are quiet.
Andrea: Ok. There!...Oops. Oh, got it again! Oh, no. Lost it again.
Shannon: You suck at using my broken crap!

...Everybody!

Is it wrong that I think these shirts are hilarious? I mean, I'm down with G-O-D, yeah you know me! [title! come and join the chorus, the mighty mighty chorus! (sorry for that musical interlude)] I don't think that those shirts are a particularly good way to get people to talk about God. For one, other than the atheist one, they don't even necessarily make you think about religion at all. And mocking is America's favorite pasttime, and those sure open you up for some witticisms. Also, I keep thinking that there should be an 's' at the beginning of some of them. I know, I'm so wrong.

I am not certain I can accurately convey how wrong I think this is. Why would you do that? That poor dog. That must be so uncomfortable. I would think the impact would be incredibly jarring. Also, the way that thing laces, it kind of looks like the dog is wearing a corset. We're not even going to talk about the TMNT dog.

an interlude of ridiculousness

OK, I am, at times, a giant nerd. Although to some people in my family, the following will not seem nerdish, but that's because they are music geeks. I say that in the most loving way possible. Anyway, I was about to quote West Side Story to someone , because somebody was complaining about something here and someone else was like, go somewhere else, I'll buy you a plane ticket. And that made me think of the part in the song America where Anita tells Bernardo she knows a boat he can get on (bye bye!). But I couldn't remember how that song began, so I googled it. That musical was my favorite for a time in my childhood. And the rooftop dance to America was one of my favorite parts. I love that it says 'an interlude of WHISTLING and DANCING,' followed by 'an interlude of MORE DANCING.' I dance around a lot at home. The other day at lunch, Shannon was home for lunch too, and she started to walk away from me, and I did a high kick and discovered I could kick her in the head if I wanted to. So then we both faced each other and took turns doing high kicks just to be sure we both could, if we so chose, kick the other in the face. Yeah, we should probably get out more. To be clear, there is no kicking that goes on at our house. Intentionally, anyway, since we all know animals can get underfoot and make you kick them accidentally. My dancing around rarely includes kicking either, unless I'm doing the Russian man dance. Which never happens. Please remove that image from your head.

Would Nazi zombies be more discriminating as to which brains they would eat?

So, my crick got worse today. To the point where, when talking to someone I must have inadvertently tilted my head and I had to stop and close my eyes. She was like, it's hitting you like lightning, isn't it? That sounds about right, yeah. Anyway, I saw this and it's pretty much the funniest thing I've seen in a long while. Except for something else that I'm saving for another day, but it's really going to be more for Rachel than anyone else. I love that someone decided to use Jalopnik's tips to warn others about Nazi zombies! Also, if you watch this on silent it's very reminiscent of watching a film about zombies. It starts with random footage of everyday stuff, shot at strange angles. The only thing missing is zombies in the background of said shots, wandering about looking for brains to munch on.

We still can't make long distance calls from work. Cell service has been questionable. And our internet was out all day at work, as well as our server for the whole morning. Yeah, awesome. My head hurts. I've had a dull migraine for a week. I keep getting a crick in my neck. I can hardly sleep. I guess I've gotten too accustomed to the amitriptyline because I keep waking up all the time like before. I keep catching myself making the wrinkle between my eyebrows deeper. Let's see, what else can I complain about? I suck. I'm sorry. I feel like crap, physically and emotionally and am having a hard time getting over it.

call me morbid or absurd

I think I might be a jerk. I was reading this article about how Oprah had an intervention for overweight teens and their parents, and when I got to the line, "The purpose of this large group therapy session..." I was like, yeah, it's large, it's a bunch of obese kids! Duh.

Anyway, AT&T is all kinds of down here today. Cell phones have no signal and on the land lines, while we can make local calls and receive long distance calls, we are unable to make long distance calls. Makes our day just that little bit more fun.

She's complicated, like the DaVinci Code, except harder to crack.

Over the weekend, Shannon and I watched Forgetting Sarah Marshall. It was pretty good. I know Rachel doesn't care for nudity in movies, but seriously all the nudity was male. Which is unusual, but it was also pretty weird. I think it was just there for the funny factor. It was actually a better movie than I thought it would be. But then, I have low expectations for pretty much all movies now. There were some pretty funny parts, and I now want someone to write Dracula: The Musical. There were also a couple jokes about Kristen Bell's career that were not wrong, and she took it well. And as ever, Paul Rudd and Jack McBrayer were terrific and can just about do no wrong.

Is anyone else tired of all those Taken trailers playing all the freaking time?! The first time I saw one I was like, that looks terrible! The second time I was like, why is Liam Neeson in this movie? And now, the more I see them, the more I want to watch Liam Neeson kicking some butt. It's rotting my brain, and I haven't even seen it!

I have a Flexeril hangover.

Ugh. I so did not want to get up this morning. Not even a little. Last night I had a nasty migraine, as far as those things go. My jaw was so tight that every time I opened it, it made noises. So I took a 10mg Flexeril. Then I took some more, plus an Imitrex. Yum. I was finally starting to feel better when Shannon was like, oh no, maybe you shouldn't mix those with amitriptyline! I really didn't care by that point, because all I wanted to was to be less-pained enough that I could go to sleep, but she was fairly concerned that I was going to sedate myself to death or something. Which, obviously not. Also, either I'm so stressing that I am overcoming the sedating effects of said amitriptyline, or I am just accustomed to it now, because I haven't upped my dose in a while and now I keep waking up at night. I was really enjoying sleeping like a regular person for a time.

A lot of good cars are Japanese...

Did anyone watch the Duggars' show last night? I've only watched the first half hour one where they plan the wedding so far; the hour-long wedding one is going to have to wait until this evening. Anyway, if you did watch, did you think that weird man who was their waiter was messing with them? Shannon and I were like, he has to be messing with them, he must be, unless he's just really weird. And then he invited himself to the wedding and started talking about tantric dancing and how he would wear a pastel leotard. Then we decided he was definitely messing with them and was just incredibly good at doing it deadpan. Right?

I was doing jazz hands, but it doesn't really translate in a photo

So, here is a photo of me and the purple tights. They kind of look blue here, but they are in actuality very purple. Also, I straightened my hair. I am unsure how I feel about this.

This is the apple-tini I had tonight. Apple-tini five!!

Blepharospasms are fun...not

I just got the urge to go, "Psych!" A wife of one of the VPs at work just asked me to be her FaceBook friend. I quickly scanned my FB page for anything inappropriate. Don't worry, I am in the clear. This blog is not linked to my FB. And I only say weird things ont here, not actually inappropriate things. Although, I saw the movie Unfaithful in the theater with this lady, my dad, and her mother-in-law (which, AWKward!). I think she might know me well enough to just be like, yeah.

Anyway, I am doing the Financial Peace University at church and this Sunday was the first session. They want you to do a basic budget and they have a suggested one to help you get started. They apparently think cable costs $21 a month. Umm...yeah, times six! But then, we do have not just the basic, plus the DVR, plus the cable modem. Maybe you can get basic for $20. I do want to downgrade the channels we get, but I am keeping the DVR and the cable modem. We don't watch half the channels we have, but Shannon wants to keep Showtime until the season of one of their shows is over. And Showtime is totally the suckiest pay channel. They don't have any good movies.

So you're telling me we have a new president, and he's BLACK? Double check that, that can't be right

Woot! Woot Bitches! That's right, no more George W! I finally voted for the winner, plus did you hear that inaugural speach? Brought tears to my eyes, seriously he's awesome.

I showed the LDS men my underpants!

I know that I haven't conributed lately, but I felt compelled to share the latest humiliation from the paneled palace with everyone. Sunday evening while Andrea was attending church I took advantage of my alone time to take a bath and then lounge in my underpants and a wifebeater. Around seven I heard a tap on the door, assuming that it was Andrea arriving home I shouted over the Kanye West song blaring from my computer "Are you alone?" When I heard a tap in response I gathered that she had her hands full and bounded loudly to the door. Without looking out the curtain I pulled the door open to be met by two clean cut young gentlemen in suits wearing backpacks. My jaw dropped while I slammed the door and shouted, "SHIT" at the top of my lungs. I guess that now it would be pertinent to share that the aforementioned wife beater was fairly sheer and left little to the imagination.

I dashed to my room and threw on pants and a zip up hoodie that I heald together rather than fastening. I returned to the door praying that I would find myself alone on the front porch. No such luck, I was met with two shiny faced LDS missionaries with a copy of the Book of Mormon hoping to proselytize.

"Is Eric home?" asked the leader of the two not meeting my shameful gaze.

I responded that no one lived here by that name and proceeded to try to get rid of the uninvited guests. They had come over looking for a previous member of the local church while they were in the area but since they found me they figured they might as well try to get another convert under their belts. Being completely mortified I couldnt bring myself to be my usual charming self that normally sends LDS missionaries running for the street as quickly as possible. Ten minutes later the visitors left with our names in a little notebook and Saturday at 1:00 pencilled in as a time to come and visit.

This weekend Andrea and I are going to allow these gentlemen into our home, while fully dressed, and ask them questions. After reading Under the Banner of Heaven we are both brimming with questions about their faith. Should be a hoot.

Happy Rex Manning Day!

How freaking adorable were President Obama's daughters' coats? I want both of them. The coats, not the children. And how sweet was that letter the Bush girls wrote to the Obama girls? Way to go with being nice to little kids. Shannon actually wound up taking lunch while I was at lunch, so we were chatting and she is super excited because it's the first time the person she voted for actually got sworn in. She was a little punch-drunk on happiness. It made for a fun lunch. Also, Joe Biden's mom is adorable. I love how they had blankets piled up on her. Old people are so cute, and vulnerable to the cold.

I don't have to work tomorrow. It's a good thing too, since I'm not even a little sleepy and it's way past my bed time.

...I'm still wide awake. I was Free Rice-ing it up. I don't have any books that I feel like reading. There's nothing on TV. And I just checked and there aren't even any marathons on tomorrow. The only holiday I get that I'm actually not out of town for and there's not even a piddling House marathon. Come on. Throw me a bone here!

Shannon and I went to breakfast at Mary's and saw a man wearing assless chaps over his jeans. I'm pretty sure I'd never seen someone actually wearing those.

As promised, pictures of the dungeon

Just so you know, this is not the first time we've had to go to the dungeon, it's just the only time we've had to be down there for more than 2 minutes. Let the tour commence!

This is what you see to the left when you come down the stairs. I have no idea what those wires are or why they are hanging there.

This is what is on the right at the bottom of the stairs. The dark mass is where a pipe comes up and ends. It comes from nowhere and goes no where.

This is what you see directly in front of you when you come down the stairs. This is where the pipes we need to kep warm are. That blue thing hanging down is an old towel shoved up there to try to insulate them. The wood is blocking the door to the backyard (not a real door, but like, a crawlspace kind of midget door, because it doesn't start on the outside until at least halfway up that piece of wood.). Our landlord has a habit of half-assing things. A man after our own hearts.

More creepiness.

This is the back. It's what is under our dining room. It's somehow creepier back there, where the ground is piled higher and weird stuff is sticking up. Also, note the cement blocks under the poles. Ugh.

You remove this kid's eye, he's only going to be half as good at not making eye contact.

Yeah, so the pipes in the kitchen froze yesterday. But an extension cord, a hair dryer and the dungeon helped unfreeze the part down there, while a space heater in the cabinet unfroze the top. So the water was running again by 11 last night. Yay! Also, our dungeon is super creepy, not to mention the poles that are held up by cement blocks that make me kind of nervous as to how precariously the house is held together. I'll try to remember to take a photo down there and show you guys, since Mark is the only one who's ever been to the Paneled Palace, and he didn't even see all of it. Doing dishes in the bathtub is easier than doing them in the kitchen sink in some ways. The amount of room you have, for one thing. Anyway, that was just about the perfect end to a crappy week. Score. I have five blankets in my living room. I bought none of them. Why do people give other people throw blankets as presents? Especially when none of the people who gave me the blankets had ever seen my house or my furniture. Yet all but one of the blankets go really well with the furniture. Although matching is not something we are overly concerned with here at the Paneled Palace, it's just a plus (to me, at least. I think Shannon doesn't care at all).

It's like your parents never forget your past stupidity

I turned on the TV at my house a few minutes ago. There was a picture, but no sound. After doing a few minutes of troubleshooting with no luck, I called my dad. The first thing he said was, "Well, the remote for that does have a mute button." Seriously, Dad?! I am not a moron. I am aware of the existence of mute buttons. I used to use them all the time before I had a DVR. I would mute and then turn on the closed captioning when the phone rang or whatever. I checked the mute button on the TV remote, the cable remote and I even checked the DVD recorder (the cable runs through the DVD recorder, which runs into the TV) remote for a mute option before I called him. I also tried turning off those three devices and turning them back on, and I even pulled out the DVR and checked the connections in the back. I have not been my father's daughter for the past 26 years for nothing. Which he learned after he started making suggestions and learned I had already done all of them. So I wound up unplugging it for a minute and that seemed to reboot it and it works now. But, seriously?! The mute button?! No.

Also, I just watched Shannon put what had to be more than half a cup of sugar on the bowl of Chex she was about to eat. Color me disturbed.

I am wearing the purple tights. ;)

it will expand a little

So...last night was weird. Or maybe not really weirder than usual. Also, I went somewhere Saturday and was talking about this, forgetting that I didn't really know the one girl and she looked totally shocked. But that is insane. And funny, but also really not funny, since it undoubtedly would help save some women's lives, or at least a beating. I think my favorite part is that it appears to come in packs of two. And they are cheaper when you buy two or three. And that "you will pass through undetectable." Hilarious and sad.

After spending five hours at church this morning, I came home and put on my PJ pants and Shannon and I watched stoner movies, many of which feature Fred Willard. Anyway, I just went outside to move my car so she could take hers to get us some Fazoli's for dinner. I went to find a pair of slip-on shoes, since it's cold and came up with one blue plaid one and one brown leather one. As I was walking out the door wearing PJ pants, my grammar t-shirt and white socks with ladybugs on them and mismatched shoes, I was like, dude, I think you are rubbing off on me in a big way (she spent the better part of the day wearing vertical stripe PJ pants, a black tank top, and a horizontal stripe cardigan, with a houndstooth coat added when she went out to smoke-we are classy dames). To be fair, some of my stuff is rubbing off on her too. I've got her saying 'balls,' enough that her sister has picked it up too. ;)

Am I too old to wear purple tights? I bought some because Shannon was with me and she was all, "Yeah!" And I was thinking they would work with this black dress I have, but now I think perhaps not. I don't know.

a marked propensity towards procrastination and sloth

We are looking for my replacement at work. Three girls were interviewed; my supervisor was telling me yesterday that we're going to put an ad in the paper, which is something we didn't want to do. I asked her what was wrong with the ones she interviewed and she said, "They're ok. They're just not you." It made me laugh. Seriously? Apparently she enjoys how I speak without pausing to think whether my comments are stupid or snarky. Or whether they are appropriate for my audience. If you need examples of my stupidity, they can be provided upon request. Eh. I'm working on it.

Argh

My taste buds are back. Just in time for me to burn them with some chai. Oops. So, I know you kids know about how I have that weirdness where sometimes my eyelids get red and puffy and start peeling. It used to be only in the winter, but now it's just whenever they feel like it. I have had a couple of different prescriptions for it, some from my regular doctor and some from the eye doctor. Neither of them seemed to know what really causes it, but that didn't stop them from giving me corticosteroids and antibiotic ointments. Both of which really help, but since you should not use those for long... Anyway, when I went to the dermatologist a while back, he was also uncertain as to what it is (Which, seriously? Why must I have such ridiculous skin problems that even specialists in that area can't identify?! The eyelid thing is actually not even the first time I've had a derm be unable to identify something.), but he gave me some Protopic samples, which is something I'd not been given before. I used some for the first time last night and I woke up because my eyelids were burning. They're still burning now, even though I totally washed my face. I asked Shannon what she knew about Protopic, since she was a pharmacy tech for years and also sometimes has medical problems. She said she'd been given that to put on cystic acne. That makes me want to never put it on my eyelids again. And since the doctor gave me samples of it, I didn't even have the info inserts to read, so I looked it up. Apparently after applying Protopic, you should wash yours hands unless that was where you intended to put it. Also, burning, itching or redness are common side effects that go away after using for a couple of days. Really? I'm supposed to continue to put something that my skin is obviously protesting on my person? I think not, although it depends on how masochistic I am feeling at bedtime.

Two songs that made me happy just now

A classic silly song, of course.

And this song was the backing for our sermon series bumper video a couple of months ago and I kept forgetting to look up what it was. I really like it.

When I was sitting in the airport in Boston today, they played How Bizarre. That made me smile because the first time I went to Boston, approximately eleven years ago (for a week long mission trip), that song was on the radio every time our group got in a car. It was almost like our trip song.

I should spend more time with the dog...

I went to Boston. It was cold. I came back. It's cold here. I think traveling alone gives me to much time for introspection. I know I've always been very self-conscious, but that doesn't mean I'm always self-aware. I mean, I know that when I get excited or worked up about something, I get loud and I tend to talk faster. And I know that I'm almost incapable of talking without using my hands (seriously, even on the phone sometimes). At my work Christmas party we played Catchphrase, which is pretty much the opposite of charades, and when other people would start to use their hands, everybody would be like, no using your hands! But I used my hands pretty much every time and no one said anything to me. I think maybe it's because they know my hands are almost as important as my vocal folds in my speech. Anyway, for some reason whenever I start thinking too much I think about the New Year's Eve episode of My So-Called Life when Angela is talking about how she thinks she thinks too much and that she should stop, but then she's like, well, then I would be shallow. I feel like I've mentioned that before. Or maybe I just thought about it. I was telling Shannon how I think I'm ill-equipped to judge other people's levels of weirdness because I think I'm weird, but I am unsure as to precisely how weird I am. I mean, my own father told me I'm eccentric. He wasn't being mean or anything, but he wasn't completely kidding. Whatever.

I did absolutely nothing yesterday. And it was totally awesome. I read two books and we watched the marathon of The Secret Life of the American Teenager that was on ABC Family all day long. I kept checking the weather reports, and finally decided that since there is still a 90% chance of snow in Boston on Wednesday, I should book a flight leaving Tuesday evening. At least this way I can be certain I will get there. This does mean that I will have to do laundry tonight and start packing up so I can finish in the morning before work and not have to come back to the house, since that's not on the way to I65.

Oops

So I managed to accidentally chew up my amitriptyline last night, which made my tongue and the roof of my mouth numb for about an hour. That was disturbing enough, since I figured the worst that would happen was that it would taste bad, which it really did. But now nothing tastes. It doesn't taste bad, just not really at all. It's very disconcerting. I can only assume it will get better within a few days...

New Year's was fun. Second one we've all spent with Dave and Rachel now. And I'm such a lucky kid that I got two grammar books for Christmas! I'm such a giant nerd and everyone knows it. Mark, Ashley, and I stayed up late Thursday night watching Half Ton Mom, Half Ton Dad and Half Ton Teen. It was so disturbing. Mark did give up by the time Half Ton Teen came on. We were all having trouble wrapping our heads around how anyone could possibly eat 30,000 calories a day. And also how someone could weigh 700 pounds at 19 years old. Seriously? And I have now seen Twilight, and apparently I am the only person around who doesn't find the dude particularly attractive. Also, it seemed to me that he spent more time concentrating on masking his accent than he did on his acting. I did covet Kristen Stewart's hair, though.

I have to go to Boston either Tuesday night or Wednesday. I haven't booked my flight yet because I was trying to wait and see if the weather forecast would change and it would be safe for me to fly out on Wednesday, rather than on Tuesday because there's a chance of snow Wednesday, thus a chance of flights being cancelled or delayed. It's hard to think about snow when it's 63 degrees out. I have stuff I need to do at work, so if I can go Wednesday it would be most helpful.

It can't possibly be noon already. I don't even know where the morning went. I went to Home Depot and Kinko's (excuse me, FedEx Office, formerly FedEx Kinko's, formerly Kinko's). Yesterday afternoon, the three of us who are here this week (all two days of it) on the finance side of corporate spent pretty much the whole afternoon working on this one girl's chair. But then when I looked up and realized it was 4:16 and I hadn't done anything since I got back from lunch, at least I knew where all that time went (lest you think we are stupid or something, we were trying to replace the casters on her chair, but the ones from Home Depot were not quite right and then a trip to Lowe's solved that dilemma except that two of the screw holes in the chair were kind of stripped and we didn't have any pliers or a wrench large enough to help us. Take my word for it, it took forever, and even then it only got done when a lady from the other end of the hall came down and tackled it with our computer guy who happened to drop by, plus the aid of some tools I borrowed from the construction company across the road. It was better than that morning when it took three people to change the fluorescent lights down the hall. I was not one of those three people because I had a migraine and the flashing was making me feel quite ill.). Wow, ok. Anyway, I really don't know where the morning went. At all. Wait, I spent a while talking to Rachel on Gmail. Other than that, who knows?

So...Christmas happened. It was pretty nice. I got some monies. And my parents gave me some necklaces. Guess I have to start wearing jewelry more than once every couple of weeks. I just always forget, unless it seems like there's something missing because my neckline is low. Anyway, spent some time with families. Nothing spectacular, but nothing horrendous happened either. At least, not that I can recall, although I am exceptionally good at repression and self-delusion.

Last night at shortly before 11, I heard lots of sirens and could see lights flashing my bedroom window, which is a trick since it's not at the front of the house. I didn't get up to check right away because I am a jerk, but I checked at like 11:30 and a house across the street was aflame. Not directly across the street, but across and over one. There were lots of neighbors standing in the street and milling around. I didn't go outside because it was 11:30 and cold and I was wearing pajamas and I am a bad neighbor. Also, it wasn't a ton of fire. This morning there was just a sign on the front door that said not to enter. You could see where it was blackened in the back and they had boarded it up, but the front looks totally normal. Weird.

I am going to Boston again in about a week. Want to join? I fear that this time, the weather will be wintry and I will be frozen.

So, I get the migraines. They suck. What's weird is that I used to get them most of the time on trips(not solely on trips, but I could count on trips to lead to at least one, usually more), especially family trips. Really for as long as I've been getting them, so maybe 8 years. Awesome. Now I get them when I'm home. I went to Boston-not a migraine in sight until the awesome aura popped up on my flight home. Thanksgiving-not a problem! Came home, problem. Perhaps it's good that I've been travelling so freaking much lately. On a related note, I can also eat when I am travelling. Which is good, since Thanksgiving is the home of awesome food and I would have been super sad not to be able to partake. So, not hungry at home, mostly nauseated after a few bites of things. Hungry when away, like this weekend, when I ate meals and desserts. My grandma had the most awesome things that were like chewable crack. They were mint chocolate covered cashews. Mmmm. Also good-cheesecake and peppermint bark. Also weird is how many migraines I've been getting lately that are all textbook-like, complete with auras. A couple of times I even just got the aura part and then it didn't start hurting like the dickens-more like just a sinus headache, or maybe even a regular people headache! I know, my syntax leaves something to be desired. Sorry.

Since my mom is still sick, I wound up going to Owensboro in my parents' stead on Friday. I had a lovely time and Ashley and I made some peppermint bark, and it was really good. While Mark and Ashley were at a wedding, my grandma and I took naps and then somehow ended up talking about gay people (apparently my mom had a cousin who was gay and lived in San Francisco in the eighties) and then HPV. I love my grandma, but I don't know how that happened, as I had no conscious desire to talk to her about STDs. And then we took pictures of Sarah, sans diaper and clothes. I think Mark wanted her to pee on me, since I was holding her with no diaper, but she did not. It's really awesome how easy it is to make my grandma happy. It takes so little (like a chubby naked baby). And then I felt bad about missing Thanksgiving because she kept asking me if I was sure I would be there on Friday, and right before I left, she said, "Do you promise?" I promised. And then she was upset that I put away all the clean dishes because she said there was no evidence that we'd been there. I was just trying to save her like 12 trips into the dining room, since she can't carry them all at once. But then she remembered that there was photographic evidence of our stay.

And it turns out that I made a good case for not going to Louisville on Christmas Eve, because my dad told me he told my grandfather that we aren't coming until Christmas morning. So now we only have to stay one night, but it's worse than two nights in a hotel, because it is at the house. My uncle can't be there for Christmas and my dad said if no one stays there my grandfather will be really hurt, so we're going to stay there on Christmas night. Ugh. His house makes my house look immaculate. I know! We will manage, though.

some people suck hard

I just read an article about how three cats were removed from the home of a woman who was marketing kittens as "goth kittens" on the internet after she pierced their necks, tails, and ears. That's just so cruel. I hope they scratched the crap out of her while she was trying to do it, and then everytime they saw her afterwards.

just bugging

So, I can't remember if I've mentioned this before on here, but I don't like bugs. Not that, but I won't kill them. They scare me, and I don't want any of them flying around my house, or any spiders hanging around, but I can't kill them. I am too afraid that it will hurt them, and not kill them and then they'll have a mortal wound and be in pain. Yeah, I know it's stupid. Rachel told me she doesn't think spiders can feel pain. Not being an etymologist, I really don't know. Insects and arachnoids are not something I have ever studied closely, because I don't care for them and I don't want to know about more than I have to on that front. Anyway, do you think that spiders or insects are sentient beings? Or better yet, do you actually know because you are a science nerd?

social distortion

Saturday night, Shannon and I went to a bar. I hadn't been to a bar since I was 21. And even then, I only went to The Little Brown Jug a couple times. Well, and that one time we went to Buffalo Wild Wings, but I don't really count that. And that time we went to the Deuce, but we didn't stay long at all. It was creepier than The Jug. Anyway, we went because some friends of Shannon's sister had a band that was playing. The story we heard was that they were going to play Weezer covers. So we had some drinks, and then they started playing. There was no Weezer. Only Pink Floyd, a Beatles medley, some Yeah Yeah Yeahs and some other stuff I didn't recognize. Not that I recognized Pink Floyd, but Shannon knew it. Also, it was super loud. I was like, this must be why I don't go out. It was so loud it was all distorted, and this dude ran up on the stage to tinker with the mix. I was like, that's not going to help, buttnut. Had I been drunker, I might have told someone that. But I wasn't. I was just blotto enough to not really care that it was disturbingly loud. It was the kind of loud where, after it goes away, you can't hear anything for a few seconds because it's all so much quieter. Weird. After we'd been there for a few minutes, I was like, is this what bars are like? Shannon laughed and her sister was like, I don't know, I don't go to them either. I was like, man are we ever bad at this. Also, before we left, I was looking for something, and while I didn't find what I wanted, I found the soundtrack to Romeo and Juliet. Shannon and I were both pumped, because we remembered it as being pretty good. We weren't wrong. Although I had forgotten all about that ridiculous LoveFool song. Anyway, be impressed that I went out. On a Saturday night and everything. Even if I didn't know what was supposed to happen.

rampant douchebaggery alert

So, this story about a kid's birthday cake made me sad for a minute, until I realized the kid's parents were total ass chapels. Seriously? They named their kid Adolf Hitler! And then their other kid's middle names are Aryan Nation! And then their last kid is named Hinler after the SS chief Himmler. Because bigots are bad at spelling. Oh, and this other article includes more about their home and some quotes from the parents. Apparently the dad thinks swastikas are symbols of peace, which was once pretty true, since they used to be a symbol of good luck and success, but there's no denying that no one thinks that when they see one now (unless they're thinking of how successful the Nazis were at killing people). And the mom thinks that it doesn't mean anything. Wow. The parents also think that the kids' names are not going to be a problem for them later, when they're not toddlers. Also, in the second picture in the first article, it would appear that that child has a mullet. Also, who puts their kid's first and middle names on their birthday cake? Anyone else thinking they were hoping for some attention, no matter what they say about how they're just names?

Justice?

This story, about an Iranian woman who was blinded when her stalker dumped a bucket of sulfuric acid on her head, is so terrible. Obviously, what he did to her was horrifying, horrifying enough that a liberal court ruled that five drops of the same acid be put in each of her attacker's eyes, but...five drops of acid! In each eye! It seems that he is at least somewhat unstable, given his behavior before the attack, and the fact that he can stand there and look at what he did to her and his comment is that he thinks she might be able to see, so they must clean out her eye sockets before they blind him. I am torn between thinking he deserves it, and thinking he needs psychiatric help and a prison sentence. Also, where does one procure sulfuric acid?

During the 24 trip to the AL Benzes, I popped in a random old cd that said May 2001 and now I can't stop singing Teenage Dirtbag. Seriously, for three days now, I've been wandering around work humming it to myself. And at home, I alternate it with Edelweiss. Yes, I am a winner. Also, I learned that Mark does not remember the words to much of anything that's not hymns. Poor Mark.

Orgasmic birth seems unlikely...

So, I was going about my business this morning, checking things I always check, when I happened across this. I have never had a child, but I have surmised that it's not generally a cakewalk. Also, the comments on the original article are disturbing, but the Jezebel comments are hilarious.

Do you want boring and mundane?

OK, so I was really going to stop talking about this, because, much like I am not actually a crazy cat lady, I am also not actually a crazed teenager (thank the Lord!). But this Target: Women is too awesome to not share.

I think my favorite part is when that girl tells her hypothetical future daughter that she can't date a drug dealer because their family is straight-edge. Or maybe when Sarah tells that other girl she is going to have a great high school experience. And the dude who reads-his lipstick is scary.

OK, I just heard a lady down the hall say that the earrings she bought for some outfit were inappropriate for work. How is that possible? Are they shaped like penises? Weird.

So, last night I wrote a post that was all weird because I was having a sad, scared evening. I think it was after people went to bed and then I took it down when I got to work. It contained what I must admit was, even for me, a strange and seemingly unrelated anecdote. Anyway, I thought better of it, especially since it painted me with the crazy brush more than usual. And now I think that the older I get, the more certain things click for me. Now I am a much better judge of people, much faster than I was when I was young. And it's funny to me how certain things turn out to be pretty much the opposite of how you thought they might. And people, too. Sometimes in surprisingly good ways. But still. I was telling Shannon how I try not to have expectations at all, because then they won't be unmet, leaving me disappointed. She was like, foul! Not true. Which, fine. I guess we all have expectations, whether they are based in reality or fantasy, whether we would admit to them or not.

So, I don't mind flying. It doesn't bother me. What bothered me about this trip was that I drove my car to and from the airport. It was an exercise for my nerves. I texted Shannon when I left the airport that I was now beginning the perilous part of my journey. She told me when she got home from work that she had been waiting all afternoon for a call from me to come get her because my car fell apart or exploded. Fortunately, it did not. It's just weird because it shakes if I go between 55 and 70, but doesn't shake from 70-79. Eighty shakes, though. ;)

I had to go to the U-Haul place to buy a box on my way back to work at lunch because we adopted some kids of our students in GA, like we always do for Christmas, and we needed a giant box to put the packages we spent most of the morning wrapping in to send. There were two people in front of me and the lady at the counter was discussing with them the sad state of the work ethics of young people today. They were all like, we don't like to hire anyone under 40 to work for us. Then the lady who worked there looked at me and was like, oh, I'm sorry, you can't be more than twenty. I laughed and told her my age, and that I was not offended because in so many cases, it is true. They still didn't believe me that I was 26, though. That almost makes up for all the times I have not been carded lately. Or maybe not.

Also, to keep up my streak of pointing out a proliferation of a random store or restaurant whenever I go somewhere: there were no fewer than seven Dunkin' Donuts within a five minute walk of my hotel. In fact, there was one right next door to the hotel. And then another one right around the corner. I'm really not sure why Boston needs that many Dunkin' Donuts that close to each other. But, then, Bowling Green has zero Dunkin' Donuts stores.

Catching up

So, Thanksgiving was nice. Thanks Dave and Rachel, and Rachel's parents! Remind me to get Mom's springform pan from you this weekend. Also, remind me to bring Dave's suit. Boston was also fun. I left Sunday morning, but my first flight was delayed because as we were taxiing to the runway, the girl next to me started having a seizure. So that was new and different and scary. She was an epileptic and she was ok, although they did have to deplane her eventually. The airline did get us all on new flights very quickly for those of us who missed our connections in Charlotte. It was remarkably warm in Boston yesterday-like 45 and sunny. I didn't even need my coat and scarf. It was great weather for wandering around looking at old stuff. I forgot to take a camera, although I'm pretty sure I have some pictures of the same old buildings from that time I went to Boston ten years ago. Oh, look at that! That is a picture I took with my cell phone of the view from my hotel room balcony.

And apparently Shannon was storing up her weirdness to share with me while I was away. She got home from work today and we talked for a while, then watched 17 Kids and Counting, and then got to the weirdness. I was telling her my theory about how I should get my top front teeth filed down to make my face more symmetrical-like. And then somehow we wound up measuring the space on each of us from hip bone to hip bone in the front and from navel to the bottom of the ribs. We don't have a measuring tape, so we were using a tape measure, and I had to get into the semantic bizarreness of that. Anyway, the point is, are your shoulders a few inches shorter width-wise than your hips? Also, if you put your thumb on the bottom of your ribs below your boobs, is your belly button really close? Mine is far enough away that I have to use my middle finger to reach it, but Shannon doesn't believe me that that's just because I have a long torso and is now convinced she has a midget torso. But my long torso was the bane of my existence for a while. Now I have bigger problems. Anyway, help us settle this. I won't even tell you about the nose-measuring argument. I think we need help.

One might think that I am not working hard today. One might be wrong. I have gotten a lot done, I just need to do more since I am leaving for Boston Sunday morning and won't be back in the office until Wednesday. But I'm all antsy now. And I need to find my scarves, as I think I might need one in Boston. Here is where I am staying. I went to Boston once about ten years ago on a mission trip. It was in the summer and it was grossly hot. And I can't stop singing The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything right now. I think I am excited. I also think I'm going to be exhausted when I return. And my mom was trying to guilt trip me about not spending Thanksgiving with she and my dad and her mom. I was like, whatever, I told you this was my pan. It's not my fault that you didn't actually listen to me until this week. And I called my grandma (about the cheesecake) and she said I was lucky to be spending Thanksgiving with our beautiful girls. I was like, right, and Dave and Rachel aren't too bad, either. She didn't really seem to be offended; it's not like her house isn't going to be full of people. So I don't know why my mom is being all weird. And she won't go to Louisville with my dad Saturday. He was standing right next to me and she goes, "I don't know why David wants to go there." I was like, hello, David is right here. He was just like, I want to go so I can see my dad. It was weird. I would be mad if I were him. But I think we established I'm not him a long time ago. Also, established: coffee makes me jittery and random.

So apparently the president isn't allowed to have e-mail. I feel like this is probably one of those obvious things that I've just never given any thought to, but man, that sucks. No work e-mail, no personal e-mail, so therefore, no smartphones. Sucks for them. "The nature of the president's job is that others can use e-mail for him." Fine. What about texting? No? Harsh.

I made two pumpkin cheesecakes last night. Sans recipe. I just pretended that I knew what I was doing. They look good and smelled right, but they might still be funky. Who knows? I made them at my parents' house, so I wouldn't have to buy nutmeg and ginger and cinnamon, and also I have no mixer. Anyway, that's how I learned they are trying to get rid of Jack! Jack is awesome. I am fully against it. But I can't take him because he doesn't like other cats, only dogs. And he's way too inside/outside for my area of town. The street is too busy. Some lady who came to do the closets said she would take him, but she does already have two cats and a dog. I really don't think Jack would want to live with other cats. And really, everyone who comes to their house to do work loves Jack because he's friendly and super cool and he blends in with all the carpet quite awesomely. Although, I think if Jack came to my house, he would put the smack down on Kazoo, who is being remarkably evil lately. He ate most of a (closed) container of candy corn Sunday and then threw it up, and then yesterday he ate a loaf of bread that was left on the table. Stupid dog.

I was just shredding something and it got stuck and when I bent over to futz with it, some of my hair fell into the little thing. It didn't go so far into it as to get caught, but still. Scared me for a second. That must be why my old shredder had picture of a ponytail with a line through it on the top. This one just has a hand with a line through it, a tie with a line through it, and some sort of liquid drops with a line. Apparently they don't care about my hair. I maybe shouldn't have had cake for breakfast. I think it's made me weirder than usual...

Apropos of nothing...

I was thinking about how I call Dave and Rachel dude pretty often. I don't call very many other people dude, mostly because people make fun of me because...it's very dated? I think with them, it's more like a term of endearment than anything else. Like I call Dave dude, where I might call someone else dear or honey. Also, I realized this last week, although I'm sure it doesn't matter: in just under one month, Rachel will have been around for more than half of my life. She's long past being around more than half of Mark's, but she and Dave have a few more years until they hit half of each other's lives. Yay for their strength, restraint, patience, and tenacity.

From Meg's blog by way of Rachel's blog..

Three names you go by:
1. Andrea
2. Miss Benz
3. Ohndrea (mispronunciation)

Three things you are wearing right now:
1. Gray pants
2. Green tee shirt
3. Socks

Two things you want very badly at the moment:
1. To figure out what I can eat for dinner
2. To find something on TV today that doesn't make me feel dumber (seriously, the number of things I have watched today that somehow involve krumping is embarrassing)

Three people who will probably fill this out:
1. Maybe Christina
2. Yeah, that's probably it.
3.

Two things you did last night:
1. Watched a bunch of The Learning Channel
2. Wondered if the girls in the Duggar family are allowed to shave their legs (they always wear skirts! What do you think?)

Two things you ate today:
1. Granola bar
2. Chicken Caesar salad

Two people you last talked to on the phone:
1. Dave
2. Shannon

Two things you are going to do tomorrow:
1. Go to work
2. Go to the store

Two longest rides you have taken:
1. From Bowling Green, KY to Missouri
2. From Bowling Green, KY to Orlando, FL.

Two favorite beverages:
1. Raspberry lemonade
2. Dr. Pepper

In which my train of thought gets handily derailed quite quickly...

So, I took Shannon to UrgentCare today and the lady who came in behind us was carrying a copy of Twilight. I was like, hey, I just read that. She said her thirteen year old daughter told her she had to read it. I wanted to say, well, it's definitely a book for teenage girls, ripe with obvious metaphors about sex/abstinence and much discussion of Bella's thanatophilia, which is something that those teens who realize they are not invincible often have (although to be honest, I never really agreed with the whole, teenagers as a breed think they are invincible thing, so do with that what you will...). I stuck with just it's certainly for teenagers. From everything I've read about the movie, it's the sort of absurdly self-serious tripe that lends itself to a good time at the movies if you enjoy laughing at melodramatic outbursts coupled with shaky dialogue. I completely realize that I keep talking about the same two things this week. I'm not sure what that's about, but beyond saying, "Hah! I called it first!" on the first three sentences of this Jezebel post, I am so finished torturing Rachel about one of them. Also, hearkening back to where I started, Shannon is still having severe back pain that multiple doctors remain unable to explain, and thusly, are unable to treat the cause of. It's going on about 6 weeks on and off, but very much on this weekend and I know she is getting very frustrated and disheartened. So please pray for her.

Apparently my grandfather inadvertently made the acquaintance of a grief counselor (inadvertent on his part, and he never used the words grief counselor) while at the funeral home this week. She went to high school with my dad and Granddaddy wound up talking to her for quite a while and found it very helpful. So helpful, in fact, that he made an appointment to meet with her again. I think that's really great and I'm glad he's talking it through with someone.

At least they didn't go with Rikki-Tikki-Tavi

Oh, dear. It would seem that Ashleeeeeee Simpson and Pete Wentz named their new son Bronx Mowgli Wentz. Now that's just mean. Not to bring up that awful Jungle Book for the second time this week or anything, but maybe she had a crush on Mowgli like Zoe did. Or maybe she's just weird...

Anyone have an extra $600-$1000 laying around and want to go to Boston with me the Saturday/Sunday after Thanksgiving? Hotel room's on me! Or rather on my work. But still. Why don't I know any rich people?